Teresa was ecstatic…that she was wearing her ring on a her left hand! (This has been her saving grace in Africa on more than one occasion!)
But poor Imelda, had no ring on her finger. Not one.
He turned and spoke to the young boys in Siswati, and then looked back at Imelda and smiled before wooing her with more broken English.
“Is this your child?� he inquired. “Yes! He is…� Imelda lied and laughed.
“Nooooooo, he’s not look like you!� This Swazi wasn’t falling for her coy antics.
Not giving up the chase, he then told her “I want you to have one child of me.� Imelda wasn’t going to fall for that either, “You’ll have to marry me first.�
Quick to jump on the chance the Swazi said, “OK, let’s marry.�
His buddy cracked up and took some paces away from the situation to keep his distance. It was hard to tell if he was cheering his friend silently on or embarrassed. Teresa just sat by enjoying the show. The children all laughed as the conversation continued.
“You’ll have to go ask my father for permission to marry me!� Imelda smirked.
“HUH! Where?� he asked, not giving up.
“You have to go to California!� she replied, not making the chase so easy.
“UNITED STATES!?� he seemed overwhelmed and his face was a giant expression of “OH NO!�…persistent little bugger, was going to attempt to find a solution to his dilemma. (Typical guys trying to fix everything!)
“I must go by aeroplane?� he quizzically smiled.
“Unless you’re a good swimmer, you could also cross the ocean!� Imelda wanted to be impressed and be sure she’s worth the effort. Teresa was laughing and by this time the jig was coming up.
He raised his eyebrow and his buddy on the road was also laughing at him by this point. “Nooooooo…swim? You can’t swim the ocean!� he chided as if Imelda had no idea. Silly woman.
“The bible says, you shouldn’t search for a quarrelsome wife! How do you know that I’m not quarrelsome? And also, how do you know what I’m like; I don’t cook or clean! I don’t even kill chickens!� warned Imelda.
He practically reeled back on his heels and shouted “WHAAAAAAAT?!�
Not only was this Swazi Romeo appalled but all the school boys were completely flabbergasted. A riot nearly ensued as they all jumped in with remarks: “A woman must clean!� “This is woman’s work to be wife and clean and cook!!!� “OH!!! No no no this is not good woman!�
Not even this could deter him on his mission for a wife. Much to Imelda’s chagrin, he asked how much her labola was!
(This is the traditional “asking price� term for a bride in many African cultures. In Swazi, a good wife goes for about 15 cows. Yet you can buy a small plot of land with a hut for 1 cow.)
“Ummm…my labola is about fifty thousand USD!� Imelda just threw it out there.
“American dollar!!?!?!??� he seemed shocked only to cough and argue back “You don’t even cook or clean! What then will you do?�
Teresa backed up Imelda’s asking price by pointing out, “She’s very valuable if you get to know her! She’s precious!!!!!�
“No no no…a woman must work, make like this…� he stooped and pretended to plow a field, “and then pick me the greens and cook for me. I want you to birth me a child…�
“You’re going to be a very lonely husband. You’ll be at home with all the children, cooking and cleaning and working the field…while I’m in China preaching the Gospel…or Nicaragua, or Honduras…� Imelda laughed and turned to Teresa for some support.
Teresa added “or Romania….Ukraine…all over the place…�
“Yes! That’s right, I’m a missionary…I will never be home. Will you carry my babies on your back?� Imelda asked and hunched over to demonstrate the manner in which African women hoist their babies around on their backs.
He stepped back as if stabbed in the heart and gasped, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, no no no no no no no…� The schoolboys erupted in gasps and laughter mixed and his buddy at this point was bellowing and holding his sides from laughter.
Realizing that we had to be back at El Shaddai, Imelda glimpsed at her watch and stood up with her walking/fighting stick in hand. (Her stick is known as the Scepter of Righteousness! POW!)
Apparently, $50k USD was too rich for that Swazi’s blood. We were probably the most entertaining pair of girls those school boys and Swazi schmoozers had encountered up on this mountain in a long time… if ever.
Nobody was offended, not even Imelda. Smiles were exchanged and we made our get away. We politely said good-bye.
We all walked away shaking our heads and laughing……………………………………………………………………………………………especially the Swazis.
Little did we know, that on our search for Phyllis, we’d end up praying for her grandson’s healing, preaching the Gospel to schoolboys and almost marrying off Imelda. God’s ways surely aren’t our ways.
