Before I begin, let me apologize for my lack of post over the last couple of months…but life has been so crazy, and honestly I didn't know where to begin. But after a couple of recent conversations with supporters I realized that everyone isn't aware of what's happening in my world so its time to make sure you are all looped in!
Back in August I moved out of my apartment, was packing my big backpack for the Race and over all extremely excited that after 2 years of waiting and planning that my Race was finally here! But then my mom was rushed to the hospital one Friday night, and gears shifted tremendously. So began my adventure, just not the one I was expecting! A couple days after mom was rushed to the hospital she was rushed into emergency surgery. After surgery the surgeon came into the waiting area and with a stale look on his face told me and my step father that "IF" she made it through the night we would have to then assess what next steps were because the surgery didn't go as he would like. She was in ICU in critical condition, and he did his best during surgery to save her life.
My eyes won't easily forget the state my mom was in that night. Her body was in shock from the surgery, she had a neck brace on, was tied to the bed, and had a breathing tube down her throat. It wasn't good…and I knew it. But surprisingly to me, I was completely calm and simply began reciting scripture over her. The Word of God is powerful. Her eyes otherwise glazed over focused in on me as I spoke scripture over her and I knew her Spirit was responding to it.
Those first days of this "adventure", were tough, but God had given me strength to serve my mom and emotionally fragile step-dad and come against the sickness by the power and healing of Christ.
Days went by, then weeks, mom was still in the hospital and not getting better. I thought to myself "this is just an attack…" "I'm about to go around the world with and for Jesus, and the enemy isn't happy!" So I kept focused on serving my family while continuing to prepare for the Race.
But 2 weeks before launch, I found myself asking for prayer from my team that I would do whatever Jesus wanted and put my Race back on the alter and ask God what He wanted me to do…Go ahead with my plans for the race, or stay home to serve and be with my parents. It was difficult, because the race for me is answered prayer, something I've asked God for even before I knew a program like the Word Race existed. But I believe God was asking me to put it back on the alter…so I did.
I truly felt like I wanted to go, but there was war going on inside of me as to what to do. Whenever I was in my car alone (where I have some of my greatest worship time) I would just start crying. And I knew they were'nt tears for what was going on in that moment (although that would have been understandable), but the tears were for if I was to leave on the Race. The tears were an indication that something wasn't right with my unsaid decision to go. The tears just kept coming…drive after drive, day after day. Until finally I reached out to my Squad leaders…one of which gave me the best advice. She gave me great things to think about on both sides…she never told me what to do (which I'm so grateful for now) but secretly (or not so secretly) I desperately wanted someone to tell me the Lord told them I was suppose to go. But as she laid out things to think about in prayer the one that stood out to me was "You'll never regret delaying your departure a couple months to make sure everything is ok at home." She was right. As I dug into my emotions before the Lord, I realized that as much as I wanted to go, I just couldn't and that was ok.
So I decided not to leave in September. This was difficult because I had one foot on the plane already…I was so in love with my team and squad, but at the end of the day I only want to be where God has designed for me to be. God completely changed my direction & it can't be a coincidence that I move all of my belongings to my parents house (to store while away on the Race) the day before my mothers emergency surgery. I guess it was all apart of God's design.
A month later, it was the end of September and Mom was still in the hospital and the initial diagnosis of a bleeding ulcer was changed to advanced cancer in multiple locations in her body. That was the moment that made all those tears make sense.
Now, 3 months later, after 3 different hospitals, a current stay in rehab to get strong to start chemo with maybe 2 weeks home altogether…it has been a busy season to say the least. Adding on top of that the fact that my stepdad is blind and my mom was his caregiver, makes for a challenging situation. But God simply gave me an assignment that I wasn't expecting…and I haven't even had to get on a plane to accept it (Although Pennsylvania does feel like a completely different world then New York fo'sure!)
So for the last 3 months I've been a caregiver for my mom and stepdad. It's a lot to do when your talking about one person managing 3 different lives. But for sure it is also ministry like no other and likely the most important ministry I'll ever take part in.
I'm grateful now that I stayed home. I wouldn't have been able to "put it all on the field" with so much going on at home. And as close as I am with my Mom, I would have come home anyway, so I'm grateful I made that tough decision. I'm also grateful to stand with my Mom who has always been so faithful to stand with me. She's an amazing woman and I love her, and the same miracles I expected to see in the field, I'm expecting God to do right here, in her. In God's timing my Race will come and I'll be more prepared and appreciative of it when it does.
There are times that God asks us to put the very thing we've wanted for so long on the alter. Just like Abraham putting his beloved son on the alter (Gen. 22) , I learned there are times that God requires that of me as well. But my favorite part about that scripture is that Abraham refers to the thought of sacrificing his long awaited son as WORSHIP because the Lord asked him to do it. And so then I look at my Race on the alter in the same way, as worship onto my King.
And you? Are there things that you currently hold with a very tight fist? What if God ask you to put it on the alter…would you? have you? will you?
Right now, are there things that God may be asking you to lay at the alter and worship Him with? If so, lay it down….choose worship, and KNOW that God will give it back in accordance with His will for you, and is always working ALL things together for the good of those who love Him.
A Note to my Supporters: If you are a monthly supporter please continue to give! God willing, I am still going on the Race and I have over $8000 to raise so your monthly gifts are vital in becoming fully funded! To everyone who has already given please know your gifts are safe and secure in my AIM missions account and will still go towards my missionary travels with Adventures in Missions.
Ironically, today is World Race Day (11/11 get it?) but for the last 73 years, it has also been my beautiful mother's birthday! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mama! There's no place I'd rather be then sharing this "adventure" with you! (Friends, please pray a prayer of FAITH for her healing today & consider adding her to your prayer list until we see healing).
Thank you for your continued love & support!
God Bless You!
