The power. The build. The rise. The crescendo. The crash.
I watched the most gorgeous and powerful waves I had ever seen rise and fall in a harmony only God could create. The power. The beauty. The danger.
Sometimes I dove under the waves and felt their monstrous weight surge past me. Sometimes I rode the top, feeling the momentum lift me, weightless at the mercy of a power yet unleashed. And sometimes I mistimed a wave, got smacked in the face, had my suit blown off me, or got taken under the water in a somersault.
I realized I loved it all: the rush of a perfectly timed dive and the choking mistake where I feared for my life. Because it was all a part of the ocean. It was all a part of the experience. And without the smack downs, I would never have appreciated the joy rides.
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Right before we headed into our final debrief in Rio de Janeiro, I was blindsided by a wave I never saw coming. It didn’t crush my whole heart, but it definitely knocked the wind out of me.
I showed up to debrief and I saw the faces of the people who have loved me, fought for me, and honored me for eleven months. And I started sobbing. By the time Kaitlyn wrapped me in her arms, I was gasping for air with waves of emotion I couldn’t control.
The thing was, Kaitlyn didn’t even know what was wrong. Not yet. She didn’t need to. She knew me well enough to know not to let go.
Because friends don’t let friends drown.
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Since then, I’ve still had to deal with the set waves of emotion rolling in behind the gargantuan demolisher. And it’s been rough. Real rough.
Wave one: I wonder why I feel like I’m the only person who sees the beauty in me. I wonder why others don’t see what I see in myself.
Wave two: I wonder why the people I trust throw things back at me in betrayal.
Wave three: I wonder why I have to fight for myself because no one else is going to fight for me.
Wave four: I wonder why God leads me into things that He knows are going to end in heartbreak.
Wave five: I marvel at how much my life can change in 24 hours.
Wave six: I grieve all the things that were said and all the things I thought would happen.
Wave seven: I suppress everything and think I’m fine, only to realize my heart is still throbbing.
Wave eight: I wish I could go back in time and see all the waves coming, but I can’t. They already took me under.
Wave nine: Jesus calms the wave. In fact, He calms the whole storm.
Then I realize that I’ve had some people slap me in the face, but I’ve also had people lie down on the floor to hold me sobbing in my sleeping bag. I’ve had some people judge me incorrectly, but I’ve also had people see me and love me for the gummy bear I really am. I’ve had people use things against me, but I’ve also had people love me for my vulnerability instead of in spite of it.
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The thing about the waves in Rio is that while they were the most powerful waves I have felt in my life, they were overshadowed by one thing: the glory of Christ the Redeemer. There He sat in all his glory, looking out over the city, over all the waves, and over all the commotion.
And isn’t that just how life is? We think God is far away when really, He sees it all. And thankfully for us, He’s not just some statue playing lifeguard. He’s in us, He’s through us, and He goes before us. He was, and is, and is to come. He is the Great I AM.
There is nothing in life we will have to face that He has not faced before us. There is nothing He cannot do. There is nothing He cannot heal. There is no wave He cannot calm.
But sometimes He lets us scream in the storm. Sometimes He lets the wave take us under. Shoot, sometimes He lets a whale swallow us whole!
If there is one thing I know without a shadow of a doubt, it is this: He is good, He is faithful, His thoughts are higher than we can fathom, and His ways are more than we can imagine.
I know good will come of this. It already has. Even when waves keep rushing in, I know my Shepherd’s voice. I can hear it, even underwater.
And He whispers, “Faithful, my darling. Faithful. I am faithful to the end.”
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I’m sorry to end my Race on that kind of a note, but then again, I’m not. Because in hurt there is redemption, in pain there is truth, and in death there is resurrection.
Over the last few weeks of the Race, we did some expedition work and made incredible contacts in Uruguay. Plus we got to see some epic things along the way (check out my last vlog below). Also, the World Race is sending another team to Mojos, Bolivia, in the jungle! I am so pumped that there are people ready and willing to continue building off of the work we saw God accomplish this year.
I came home June 24, and since then I have been overwhelmed in a whirlwind of emotion and business. I found out I have indicators for possibly six kinds of parasites, and my liver and kidneys have some gut problems two or three layers deep. That explains a lot, and I’m already starting to feel so much better with just a couple days of treatment. The people I met were worth far more than parasites, but man it feels good to be heading towards health again!
Also, I told many people my plan at the beginning of the Race was to grow my hair out and then donate it to a cancer society at the end. I wavered a lot through the year, as I really fell in love with long hair and braids, but I figure if the positions were reversed, I would want someone to donate hair for me. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, so I bit the bullet and followed through!
Finally, I have accepted a job at Meridian World School teaching Spanish in the IB program! This is an absolute dream job, and it was a true miracle how it came about. I can’t wait to get started and to pour into the next generation everything God has shown me this year!
I am headed back to Fayetteville in a few weeks, then I will go to Nashville to see my best friend and present my book proposal to publishing agents (prayers, please!) and then I will finish up July going to Project Searchlight, a final final debrief of sorts for the World Race in Atlanta. Then I start work August 1!
I will never be able to thank you enough for supporting me on this journey. I hope it has been a joy for you to follow all God did this year. My prayer is that your faithfulness to me will well up in an overflow of faithfulness to others. I pray that the seeds you planted in my life will exponentially multiply into the lives of those I now have the opportunity to touch.
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!!
Cheers to eleven months and the King Eternal!
I will probably write one final blog after PSL, but for now thank you, God bless you, and God bless America! I’m home!!!
Tera
