I’ve been reading a lot of books…which for anyone who knows me is nothing new. Month one through most of month three I spent a lot of time on a book called Speak Life. Taking the time to try and focusing on the way I speak to myself, the way I speak to my friends and family, (and through that) the way I speak to all those around me in the world. Obviously, it’s an ongoing process. Constantly taking things to God.
Last month I started a new book called Free of Me. It’s all about learning to live a life that’s not about you. A way to live completely for God made new through Christ. But letting going of selfish desires doesn’t mean neglecting yourself. Living completely for God is not about completely letting your human needs go. It’s about creating freedom. Not freedom to do whatever you want but freedom to let go of self and focus on Christ.
One major point that really resonated with me was the chapter on healing. It asks us to take a second and look at Jesus and his priorities. Specifically, he spent so much time healing. He sat with those who were hurting, he listened to their pain, he knew how much healing is a part of the kingdom of God.
One of my favorite lines is “Jesus understood that we cannot ‘run the race marked out for us’ (Heb. 12:1) if we are too wounded even to stand.”
Like a regular race, where your body needs attention and healing, your spiritual life also requires that attention and healing. God commands us to stop and rest. That is the difference in the race God created us for…. The rest is a crucial part. We can be healed as we run whole heartedly towards him… and in our most true selves we will be all out sprinting towards him. Adrenaline, heart pumping, breathless, yet invigorated. We are so filled with him that it shines out of us and allows us to share his love and story with others.
This really helped me this month. As I spent too much time in my head worrying about the world race. Worried that I wasn’t doing the most that the race had to offer…
Going from a fairly scheduled month… with time at the orphanage, and days in the village, and programs at the school. I was worried at the slow start of the month… But then I sat in the rest for a bit. I breathed in and out in the presence of the Lord. I learned my last remaining grandparent has advanced cancer. I realized that this time is not wasteful… it is a time to heal. To take care of the soul and the emotions God gave me so that I can continue minister to others… because when I am not healthy in him… his love doesn’t shine as brightly out of me.
After some time getting some logistics for the month squared away, my team headed down to Mulanje, Malawi. We had a 4 day trip planned out, staying in huts on the mountain and making it to the top on the 3rd day before heading back down.
Let me tell you… I have heard and said before. “You can never hear God clearer than sitting in his presence in the beauty of his creation.” And that was definitely true of this trip. The beginning of the trip my mind was plagued with doubts. “Are we doing this for selfish reasons?” “Is this really where we are supposed to spend the week” “Is this right”
Yet after two nights of bible study and a beautiful devotion on peak of the mountain, I firmly believe that we were exactly where we were supposed to be that week.
The last night we spent we had again invited the two porters, cook, and guide hiking with us to our bible study. They gladly accepted and even brought some beautiful viewpoints and words from God to the study. At the last minute, I invited this other hiker we had met that evening. He was staying in the same hut, but we knew very little about him. He informed us that he was Muslim but that he would be happy to join us. We had a beautiful bible study focusing on chapters in John and Galatians. Both chapters highlighting the crucial rules of loving God and then one another.
The next morning before he left he genuinely thanked us for sharing the Word of God and then he left to summit the mountain. We were happy to see after we got off the mountain that he had found us on social media and had even included meeting us in his latest post.
God works in such wonderful and mysterious ways.
Especially during my devotion on the peak of this gorgeous mountain. Approximately 10 miles into this almost 20-mile hike… I was exhausted. I strongly debated not climbing the last leg to the top, as I knew I would slow my friends down. Maybe it was time to rest. But I changed my mind last minute and started the 4:30 am morning hike to the peak. Once I got to the top, I thought I was going to continue reading in 2 Kings but God lead me back to Hebrews 12. I continued reading to find verse 12-13 which says… “So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.”
This spoke to me in so many ways. In the literal sense of the mountain… and the hike down. But also in my spiritual journey. I feel encouraged in this time to not fall backward as life hurls things in my way, but to find the rest in him, regrip and keep moving forward. I struggle not to revert to old coping mechanisms of isolation and other things as I think back to the things in life out of my control. God granted this time of rest and surrounded me with people to hold me accountable to feeling all the feels and moving forward in health. I am so grateful for the many people God has placed in my life. I love you guys <3
