This all came about as I was reading Matthew 26:14-30.
This is the story of Judas betraying Jesus. Jesus knew Judas was going to betray him but he still broke bread with him. Judas knew he was going to betray Jesus but he still lied about it. Judas was a follower of Jesus and got to witness first-hand the love Jesus gave and the miracles he performed. Judas had a VIP pass into the grace of God, but he gave that up. He traded a lifetime of following Jesus for a one-time payout. He forfeited the ultimate gift of Jesus’ love and favor for a fleeting door prize.
14.Then one of the Twelve- the one called Judas Iscariot—went to the chief priests 15. and asked, “What are you willing to give me if I have him over to you?” So they counted out for him thirty silver coins. 16. From then on Judas watched for an opportunity to hand him over.
As I read this passage, I shook my head thinking, “how could Judas do something like that…and for so cheap?? I would NEVER do that, no matter how much I was paid!” I thought, “nothing is worth more to me than following Jesus.” I convinced myself that I was better than Judas; that I was nothing like him. So with my ego patted and conscience temporarily clear, I put down my bible and picked up my phone. Instagram, Facebook, and emails quickly flooded my mind and my attention.
Midway through liking a friend’s post, I realized that maybe I was like Judas. Maybe I was just as easily persuaded as he had been so many years ago.
This thought shook me.
I might not have been offering up Jesus’ life for money, but I had just traded my time getting to know him for time scrolling on social media. I had put down my bible and picked up my phone with the same ease that Judas probably accepted his silver coins. I was as self-driven and as self-satisfying as Judas had been and didn’t consider how it was affecting my relationship with Jesus.
AHHHHHH! WHY????
How often am I like Judas?? How easily do I trade and forfeit building my relationship with God for instantaneous rewards? How often do I put off or hand over my time, commitment, and relationship with Jesus to satisfy my own agenda? How often do I accept the payout?
Too often.
Who am I to judge Judas when my time with Jesus is so easily outbidded by day to day distractions?
This is not meant to say that I can’t have down time or relax. It is not meant to portray scrolling through social media as bad or detrimental. I just want to make sure that I’m never putting these things above my time with God. I never want to sell my discipleship with him for the pleasures of the moment. I don’t want to “watch for an opportunity to hand him over.”
But even still, my God is gracious and glorified.
Even when I sell away my time with him, he still yearns for relationship with me. He still sits at the table, knowing I will “betray” him, and chooses to feed and commune with me.
So the question remains, to be Judas or not to be Judas? If you know the rest of the passage, Judas’ ending is not a desirable one. He doesn’t even end up keeping the silver coins! In the end, forfeiting his following of Jesus is not worth the guilt and isolation that it brings him. The moment of pleasure wasn’t worth missing the miracle of Jesus. However, that was hindsight for Judas and it came a little too late.
I don’t want to live a life in hindsight. I don’t want to forfeit my time with Jesus for my own version of silver coins.
Each day I have to choose the price that I am willing to put on Jesus and decide if I am putting him up for sale. As I grow deeper in my relationship with him, I want to confidently declare that he can’t be bought.
I don’t want to be a Judas.
I know this isn’t the most uplifting blog, but I hope that you can appreciate the realness of it. This is a new step I am taking and I know it will take prayer and discipline to break my habit of trading Jesus for momentary entertainment. But I know that the trade up is always worth it!
Thank you for taking part in my journey and for taking time to read this. Please pray for my team and me as we step out of the Caribbean culture and into the Asian lifestyle! Next stop, INDIA!
I’m keeping each of you in my prayers.
Much love from me!
Tee
