When I was in the process of being engaged and preparing to live in the most intimate of communities with not only another person, but a person of the opposite gender, (otherwise known as marriage) I had a real eye opening experience. Once, as Corey and I talked through different issues, I found myself upset. He didn’t do anything wrong, he didn’t say anything bad, I was just upset and needed a good cry. I mentioned this, and he responded with the utmost of confusion mixed with sweet compassion. What do you do with a woman who just starts crying for no reason? What made her cry? How do I help? Is it even possible to help?
In the same way that Corey is being introduced to my emotions, I am being introduced into this world of “Man.” As he was taking me to the airport to return back to the States, I was carrying a few small bags and he was carrying my large pack. We had quite a ways to travel and he had carried it more than a little. Finally, I looked at him and said, “Here why don’t we switch?” He looked at me in utter disbelief and said, “Am I the man here or what?”
The difference between men and women goes far beyond emotions and muscles. Not all men are emotionless and not all women are weaklings. Yet there are basic building blocks that make up a man and make up a woman. Wild at Heart and Captivating (books by John and Staci Eldredge) are great starting points for understanding what makes a man a man, and what makes a woman a woman. It’s not about stereotypes. It’s about understanding each other.
The January 2007 team had long discussions on this topic and many articles. I can share all of these as you wish, but let me start out with a few quotes from them…
“As men on this team, we need to realize our role as protectors and providers. That these women need what we have to offer, from the Holy Spirit, purely, not in any romantic way, but as our sisters- daughters of the King, we need to protect the hearts of these women, and be willing to provide our strength and ‘go there’ when hurt has happened.” -Scott Molgard
“…we definitely need to learn when men’s “feelings” are hurt and how to support them as well. Yes, men have feelings, and yes they get hurt, but not in the same way that women’s do, I think we can all see that. However, men will often hide emotions/feelings or pretend things don’t matter… right guys. Wild at Heart does a great job explaining the arrows that wound men. Anyway, guys, we are going to have to trust you to tell us, don’t just blow it off, when we do or say something that shoots an arrow at you!!” -Kelly Ramsey
“When I go into fits of tears and self-pity, I am humiliated by my own behavior, and therefore get even more “tough” and defensive. There does not seem to be any way to control it except to cut it off from the start. Perhaps a visual queue, like stabbing your heart, would be helpful when words can not be spoken. That may sound silly too, but hey, whatever works to avoid the drama.” -Kim Martin
I encourage you guys to begin leaving comments here, maybe starting a new blog as topics under this emerge, and studying it on your own. Here are some questions to start you guys through this discussion:
- What is a man? What is a woman? How do you define them and what makes them unique?
- How does the character of a man reveal the character of God? How does the character of a woman reveal the character of God?
- How do I personally see myself within the “role of a man” or “role of a woman”?
- How can I be an encouragement and support for the opposite gender? How can I protect the vulnerable parts of my teammates? How can I help them grow in their God-given role?
- What does it mean to be initiated as a man? What does it mean to be initiated as a woman? (see garyblack.myadventures.org for blogs on initiation)
- Those of you who have read on this matter (Captivating, Wild At Heart, Every Man’s Battle, Every Woman’s Battle, etc.) pull those books back out and highlight some sections. For those who haven’t read these books, I recommend having a copy of these to pass around the team for everyone to read.
