Hey Team – I’m going to try out this transparency and vulnerability thing and let you guys in on some things that have been going on in my life recently.
I have a best friend here that I’ve known for a little over a year now. We know each other really well, spend a lot of time together, called each other out, held each other accountable, etc. etc. Last week something happened in our relationship that prompted a re-evaluation of our friendship. God revealed to me that I had placed her in an unhealthy place in my life. I was looking to her to meet needs that only God can meet and it was putting pressures on our relationship. Also, our relationship was a place of refuge almost for me when I was frustrated with God, because I felt a security with her.
On Friday we talked and determined that our relationship had to change dramatically. We can no longer do the things that we used to do together, because I need to put God before everything and everyone else and she refuses to be in the way of that. It is a good thing, but it is very, very painful. I have spent the last week in tears. I miss her, and I miss our relationship even if it was unhealthy. This has created a big emptiness in my life that I have been seeking God to fill. He is here with me, and I feel periods of sustenance and comfort from the Spirit but that does not take away the hurt. I have a lot to grieve with this, and I can’t avoid the grieving process. I am also under a lot of spiritual attack. Satan would obviously prefer that I stay entwined in this relationship and use it to bind me. I struggle against coping mechanisms that are not healthy, and with feelings of guilt, inadequacies, insecurity and just pain. I am hurting.
When I can think logically I realize that it was gracious of Jesus to prompt this change in my relationship with my friend now so that I can properly grieve and refocus before I leave. He is giving me time to adjust, accept, and draw near to Him. Unfortunately, my periods of logical thinking seem few and far between.
Please pray for me. Pray that I would have peace and continue to draw near to Jesus. Pray that I would put Him and only Him in place of the void that I am feeling. Pray that I continue to renounce the lies and the warfare. Pray that I would keep focused and continue my preparations for the race with diligence.
Thank you Brothers and Sisters.
Love, Becky
