This month has been a very challenging month. I have been struggling with the ability to be vulnerable with my emotions (what’s new!), hearing the Holy Spirit within me and feeling like God has placed me in a desert and said “try to find me”. None of which are too comforting when you think about the fact that you just jumped into the beginning of an 11 month journey with Him.
Amidst all that, God was, not so shockingly, right beside me the entire time. He was showing me who I was in Him. He was helping me love me, so that I could truly feel loved by Him. This acknowledgment only took 27 days (or more accurately my whole life).
In Brennan Manning’s book Abba’s Child he says, “And so we unwittingly project onto God our own attitudes and feelings toward ourselves.” I think about what I thought of myself just a short 25 days ago and I still catch myself falling back into. I saw myself as unworthy. I would stand in front of a mirror, almost daily, criticizing myself. Hating my physical looks, the way I talked and the ugliness I saw in my heart. I was destructive to my own self. I was cruel in my words. Negative talk cuts deep and those wounds don’t heal with a new lipstick or outfit. Those wounds can only be healed when we choose to let God show us who we really are. Not just in our outward appearance, but as a daughter of our Lord and Creator. Brennan Manning then goes on to say, “We cannot accept love from another human being when we do not love ourselves, much less accept that God could possibly love us.” That’s truth and that is powerful.
Being on the World Race looks a lot different than life at home, but also the same. I wake up each day when my alarm goes off, and then lay in bed for 5-10 more minutes. Eventually, a group of us make it outside to workout, then we shower and get dressed, eat breakfast and go to ministry. Most days after ministry we have free time before dinner or church. Then we have team time and go to bed or stay up way too late playing cards and talking. Sounds pretty similar to what my life would be back home. Wake up, workout, get ready, go to work, relax, eat dinner, see friends or go to bed. Not much different. However, there is the catch! The only mirror I have here in Côte d’Ivoire is the small one in the bathroom that doesn’t let you see below your neck or the small one I brought. Here my “mirror” has become something different. Who I am has become a reflection of how I see myself, how others see me and who the Lord says I am.
Without a mirror I cannot criticize. I am forced to remember what I love about me. I hear others speaking positively into my life and the scriptures are full of how much the Lord adores all of me. On the World Race an atmosphere has been created, social norms don’t allow for negative self talk. This is life changing! I remember how much I love my eyes and how much my daddy loved my smile. I remember my gentle touch and how my tenderness is welcoming. I am more than my reflection. I am a beloved daughter of our Heavenly Father. I am chosen; I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Brennan Manning said it so wonderfully when he said, “His love, which called us into existence, calls us to come out of self-hatred and to step into His truth, “Come to me now,” Jesus says, ‘Acknowledge and accept who I want to be for you: a Savior of boundless compassion, infinite patience, unbearable forgiveness, and love that keeps no score of wrongs. Quit projecting onto Me your own feelings about yourself. At this moment your life is a bruised reed, and I will not crush it; a smoldering wick, and I will not quench it. You are in a safe place.’” Do you hear that? The Lord is a safe place. He is calling us into His arms, to call Him Abba and trust Him into our lives.
The Lord has declared me as His daughter, as His beloved. He has declared this over all His children. He has said it from the beginning of time, “So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27) His image is perfect and good, and He created each of us. There were no mistakes. Each of us was woven together in the wombs of our mothers, by a Father who loves us more than any other.
Don’t let the world tell you you’re something different than what the Creator has declared. When we choose to believe and love us, we experience the Lord’s love and nothing is greater.
You are beautiful! You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
“Today on planet Earth, may you experience the wonder and beauty of yourself as Abba’s Child and temple of the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ our Lord.” -Larry Heir
photo credit: Katie Horst at kkalonphotography.com Thank you for taking this picture, for capturing moments of joy and for being a dear friend of mine. Love you Katie!
Prayer Requests:
For the individuals we are sharing the Good News with to have open hearts and listening ears.
For Trey’s left eye to be healed and his vision restored.
To walk humbly and with grace, loving others well.
To not be discouraged by language barriers.
To continue to open myself to the work the Lord is wanting to do in my heart and life.
For all of you to experience the goodness of the Lord in your daily lives.
Prayers that were ANSWERED:
My heart has been opened and the Lord is loving on me and teaching me many things!
People everywhere are praying over Trey’s eye! This blows my mind and is incredible, keep up those prayers 🙂
I didn’t even know I was praying or needed this, but the Holy Spirit within me was definitely praying for me to love myself, to feel the Lord’s love. This has been answered. Something I choose into daily, but He is good and my love for me is growing daily!
