How was Training Camp? Are you excited for the World Race now? Tell me everything!! These are the questions and conversations I have been having since I got back a week ago!
I have attempted to write this blog about 50 thousand times in the last week I have been home. It’s been such a challenge. I experienced my faith like I never have before and I am struggling with how to share it. I wish I could just get coffee with everyone and tell you all in person. Unfortunately, I have 5 weeks till I leave for 11 months and that just isn’t possible. So I will give it my best shot.
Here is a long, but worth the read list of what I learned at Training Camp! Intermixed will be some powerful stories of God moving in my life and preparing my heart.
- It is okay to be nervous, but you still have to get off the plane. More then likely other people are just as nervous and you’ll become besties.
- I kept my pack under 40lbs. IT’S A MIRACLE.
- And here is an even BIGGER surprise, I over packed, turns out 5 shirts is enough.
- There are some truly amazing people on K-squad with me, whom God has handpicked, and I feel so blessed to do a year of life with all of them.
- Story Time! Round 1: It’s the first night of worship before our first session. The music is beautiful the passion for Christ in people was undeniable, and there I was wishing I had what these people had. Wishing I didn’t feel 10,000 miles away from the Lord. Wishing I could still fake it and it would seem authentic. Wishing the mask I have been wearing for too long wouldn’t be so obvious. I tried! I tried so hard to feel near to Christ, begging Him to show up… I felt nothing. Day 2, new day…same deal. The sessions were incredible and I was so excited to be there, but I started to doubt this was where I was supposed to be (stupid enemy filling my head with lies!). Because if it is, why do I feel like I am all alone in a desert. Day 3, it’s morning worship and I feel pretty defeated. We have probably sung two or three songs at this point and I don’t feel God’s presence at all. Then out of nowhere Alys (a trainer for my squad, who knows nothing of my story) puts her hand on my shoulder and says the Holy Spirit wants me to tell you something. I about pooped my pants…one I am like seriously Lord I have been trying to reach you for days and two WHAT?! So of course I say okay, and she tells me that, “All the fear, anxiety, and doubt I am feeling is of the enemy. That I should get excited about that fear and lean into it. It is there because the enemy knows God is going to do something incredible in you and he doesn’t want it to happen. So when you feel fear, get excited and press into it. Also, that distance you feel between you and God, whatever that barrier is that you have built up, whatever is creating the feeling of distance it is gone.” The end. That was it. I’m sorry, excuse me what?! This woman just unknowingly addressed all my struggles without knowing a thing about me… Let’s all just acknowledge the fact that the Holy Spirit is so freaking real, and can use anyone! I mean seriously you can’t make that up! So 10 seconds after my world got rocked by the Holy Spirit the worship team is still singing and they are singing Good Good Father, by Chris Tomlin ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqybaIesbuA ). Speedy backstory: I have not been able to call God my Father since He received mine in Heaven. I still really hurt and miss my daddy more and more everyday and being thankful in the situation has been a huge challenge. AKA I have some bitterness with the Lord and we are working it out, but seriously it gets intense. SO anyways. They are playing this song right after Alys just spoke powerful truth over me and so of course the band says to sing out the lyrics and believe what you are saying and to tell the Lord that He is a good good Father, I immediately start bawling uncontrollably (I hate crying in public, so doing so in front 350+ people was not quite ideal, but it was happening and there was no stopping it). Next thing you know I am horribly, belting out the words “You’re a good good Father, that’s who you are, that’s who you are, and I am loved by you, that’s who I am, that’s who I am.” And I believed it! I was so full of joy and a sense of freedom that I couldn’t stop crying. All that the Holy Spirit communicated to me minutes ago was true in that moment and I felt my Heavenly Father holding me in His arms. NO JOKE the power of the Holy Spirit is REAL.
- We are called to live a life on mission for the Lord regardless of where we are. EVERYWHERE is a mission field. BE BOLD in your faith.
- “Grace is God’s empowerment for me to live in relationship with Him.” –Deon
- “Forgiveness is something Christ is serious about, and not forgiving and instead demanding “payment” is saying that Jesus dying on the Cross for all of our sins isn’t enough.” –Bill Boom, mic drop, that’s convicting and powerful.
- I belong to my Heavenly Father, Papa, Abba, He created me in His image and I am like Him. (Abba, by Jonathan Helser. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GeVf1XQOPg )
- Art of Listening Prayer. Very real. Very new to me. Very awesome, and an area of my faith I am excited to grow in. It is praying, asking, and allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to you and show you things. If you want a more in-depth explanation, please ask me! I would love to share! Story Time! Round 2: We were practicing the Art of Listening Prayer in groups of 6 or 7. We are all sharing what the Holy Spirit is showing or telling us, and it’s truly a beautiful experience. Jon one of the men on my squad is about to share and prefaced it with I don’t know who this is for, but says he sees a little girl crying in a corner and when he asked the Holy Spirit “why?” the Holy Spirit told him that it’s okay to mourn and that now is the time to grieve. Yet again I am crying. (the me crying thing happened more than I would have preferred) So, Jon knew that my dad died, but not much more about that journey, and nothing about my grieving process prior to this point. I said that I think that was for me and that I have really struggled grieving the death of my dad and just really felt through the words the Holy Spirit gave him that the Lord was telling me something. It was powerful. Carly, another speaker, told us “Pain and emotion are a gateway to God. To lean into it with Christ, rather than running away from it.”
- “Only qualifications for the Holy Spirit is thirst!” –Deon We are the salt of the Earth, we should thirst for more and leave others we encounter thirsty for more.
- 3 reasons the Holy Spirit is in us, shared by Deon (this man of God had some incredibly powerful things to share): 1) Wants to be in partnership with us. 2) Wants companionship with us, doesn’t want/have visitation right, no He dwells in us. He has habitation rights. 3) Intimacy. Cultivate intimacy with the Holy Spirit.
- God is the definition of beauty and He created each of us.
- Shame is condemnation for “who I am” and it is not of or from the Lord. Actively speaking truth into your own life is important. Positive self-talk!
- I never had a spider on my face (last blog reference). However, I did walk into a spider web…not enjoyable. Very funny for everyone else haha
- Sleeping scenarios were interesting, not sure I got much sleep. I think I will learn on the WR though, staying hopeful.
- Oh boy the food… Please ask me about this if I see you.
- There was a Fitness Test. 3 miles with pack, in the mid day heat, and timed. I didn’t practice, because who does that…? Turns out, literally everyone does. Whoops! On the bright side I walked with an amazing group of ladies and we made it with 5 minutes to spare. WOOHOO!
- Bucket showers are a thing, and I am now a pro.
- If you don’t stake your tent in the ground you do get to watch it blow away in surprise rainstorms.
- I am on an incredible team with 5 other women. They are beautiful women of God and I am so excited to learn from and do life with them. (we are team One Pulse)
- World Race is an organization that is furthering God’s Kingdom by following in obedience to the Lord and being Spirit Lead. It is powerful and I am excited to be a part of it.
These next 11 months will undoubtedly change who I am and better me as a person and follower of Christ. I can’t contain my excitement for this journey with Christ. I know there will be a lot of good times and hard times, stories that break my heart and leave me feeling helpless, but I also know I serve a God who restores HOPE and is full of mercy and grace. Who is love. And calls us each His own. I am a child of God and I want a faith like Job, one of unending trust and reliance on the Lord. “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job1:21 NIV)
He is enough.
Random reminder: You can still order t-shirts! You can do so through June 30th. The shirt picture is posted on my instagram and Facebook page with details 🙂
