When your priorities aren’t inline and the Father says it’s time to sit down and chat.
It may look like my life is all figured out. From the outside looking in it looks pretty nice right…?
Girl commits to 11 months of sharing the Gospel, traveling the world, with community. She posts adventurous pictures on Instagram. She writes blogs where the mess is figured out already, solution found. If you ask her how she is doing she will most likely say great or well. She smiles and laughs. She is out living life and doing things for Kingdom.
What happens when she realizes that her fire, in her heart, isn’t blazing like it was when she left? What is she suppose to do when she wants to finish blogs she started, but she can’t? What does she do when the process isn’t over, but instead she is sitting right in the middle of it?
She hates showing weakness and feeling pain. She wants to appear to have it all together. To be on this incredible journey with her King.
She already walked through this right she conquered the sin of perfection and fear of pain. Why are we back here…
I am here because I have asked for forgiveness. I have been forgiven by all but one.
I have not forgiven myself.
I can’t pray a single blessing over myself because I feel undeserving. I feel dirty, unclean.
The Lord has sat me down today. He wants to chat. I ignore, terrified of the punishment.
He reminds me, I have forgotten. The price has been paid. The blood of Christ flows over me. Covering me with grace and forgiveness.
I am forgiven.
Why is it so hard to believe that? That my hurts of others are to be forgiven.
I am now in a process that doesn’t allow for put togetherness. I am walking in a story that is real, raw and authentic. It isn’t filtered or posed.
I am walking into a process of learning to forgive self, greater discipline and to be the bride of my Creator.
I am in a looking out onto a lot of untouched lands, places my feet have never walked. As I look out into these untouched places I feel unnaturally safe. I know that He is here and there.
