Our first night in Nicaragua, my squad camped out in the fields of the place my team will be doing ministry this month. All 25 of us pitched tents, settled in, and spent one night together before separating for a month of ministry across the country.
Reflecting on this night, I journaled:
I’m standing at the edge of the field
Looking up to a star covered sky
Knowing you set the moon and every star in it’s place
Shooting stars falling
to the beat of the crackling fire behind me.
Feeling the gentle heat on my back.
Embracing and experiencing the words
“I’ll stand with arms wide and heart abandoned in all of the One who gave it all.”
And I surrendered.
Time and time again I sing a song, read a scripture, or share a testimony of surrender. I find myself repeatedly telling God, I give it all to you. I thought leaving my family, quitting my job, and giving up relationships for a year was the total act of surrender; but, God is showing me that those were the easier things to abandon. He’s showing me that there is so much more to give.
This month I’ve surrender every single day to Him. I’ve surrendered my heart in every hour of the day. Words from an old hymn echo in my mind, “Lord I need you, every hour I need you,”. Surrender is realizing I can no longer do things out of my own strength, but I need the Lord’s strength to do it. As he continues to reveal areas of my life that I’ve chosen to use my own strength, He’s pointed out a few specifics in this field. The night of the bonfire I surrendered my future, future career and husband. The next few days, as we worked in the field I surrendered my pride and physical well-being.
“Let the morning bring me word of your
Unfailing love,
For I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
For to you I entrust my life.”
Psalm 143:8
You see, that same field I stood in the middle of- praising and in awe of the God who chose this life for me I found myself standing in the following day with a machete and 4 local Nicaraguans. The goal for the day was to clear a large area of squash in preparation for planting new plantain trees. Trees that will one day produce fruit for REAP Granada (this month’s ministry) to sell to locals, and the profit return will fund faith conferences for the community.
We spent 4 hours clearing this field. The sun was serious. The heat was radiating. The crab grass, vines, and weeds were plentiful. The machete swing was difficult. The blisters formed quickly. The arms grew tired. My physical weakness didn’t feel as heavy as it should have. He took the simplest thing, chopping down the weeds in a field of Nicaragua to tell me that I alone will fail, but He [who is Love] came to rescue me, to set me free, and to be all that I need!
“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
Psalm 73:26
At the end of the work day, Julio, one of the local team members said “your group has been a great blessing to Nicaragua today.” His gratitude in that moment pulled a heart string! And I just imagined what a blessing to the kingdom it is when we choose to surrender ourselves to the Pioneer and Perfecter of our Faith- our source of hope and peace, our source of joy and strength!
XOXO
Tay
