Good Pain.
In the season of life I am currently in I have been experiencing a lot of the deeper things of the Lord and his way of healing various wounds we’ve held deep in our hearts for years. A lot of times we can go throughout our lives living half full and not even realize that we are doing it.
Currently while I am studying the Bible in Southern California. The Lord has blessed me beyond measure with some amazing fellowship and huge new depths of my relationship with him. Through these people he has put in my life, some deeply rooted wounds I hold in my heart have been revealed to me. These wounds in my life can be traced back to things like my dad’s death, habitual sin, and other traumatic events of my past. These root issues have caused me to build a tree of fear in my heart from which I have lived and operated out of for a long time. But the truth is my fear is not real as Jeremiah 17:9 says “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (ESV).
We as humans tend to see our Heavenly Father in a squewed way because of things that have happened with our earthly fathers. My earthly father died in a drunk driving accident in 2010; the ten year old me was changed forever. Wounded by a pain that no ten year old girl should ever have to endure. The Lord, through some very close friends has been revealing to me that because of this event I have lived from a place of fear. The fear of losing those close to me (including God).
Coming to this recognition was far from easy, but I knew it had to be done in order for me to find healing. The Lord has been so faithful to me in the secret place to uproot many things I have identified with for far to long. The Lord has taught me that I am not a victim to my circumstances. Through contemplative prayer he has slowly brought up small pieces of the puzzle that makes the wounds in my heart. As he pulls up these weeds in my soul and teaches me to unidentify with them; he heals the hole they have left behind and uses that space to grow new more beautiful flowers.
With detaching from the past events that are deep in my heart, the Lord has been teaching me to detach from anything of the flesh in the present, which includes the physical and material. God has taught me through this healing process not to compromise whatsoever. As it says in Galatians 5:9 “A little leaven leavens the whole lump” (ESV). He is teaching me to follow him no matter the cost and not to have any attachments to anything except him because this world will let us down every time. He has continued to strip away anything I have attached myself to so that I learn to put my hope in Him alone. This process has been so so so painful but so so so so good because the pain brings healing.
He is so good to me and so faithful. I know that the things he is delivering me through are making me into the most beautiful daughter of Him that I can be. For this I am so thankful and excited to continue emptying myself of the flesh daily by His grace and being filled more and more with His Spirit. I am excited to continue losing my life and finding it in Him as it says in Matthew 10:39 “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it” (NIV).
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
(ESV).
Good Pain.
