Today, I left my home in Illinois, said goodbye to my dad, sister and extended family for a whole 11 months and spent more hours than necessary trying to pack a year’s worth of everything in a weight restricted bag. All exaggeration aside, the last 24 hours have been the hardest 24 hours of my life. Now reading that, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Taylor, you will see them soon enough; a year is not forever,” the same thoughts I’ve repeated over and over to myself hoping it will sink in soon enough. And not to downplay how hard it has been to say these goodbyes, because it has been very hard, this is not what I’m writing about today. What has made leaving my home hard is this daunting, uncomfortable and frustrating sentence:
I do not want to go.
Heels in the sand and gripping with white knuckles, I do not want to go on The World Race. But yet, I walk forward. This is hard for me to share, because so many of you reading this have probably supported me in the most generous and encouraging ways and I cannot thank you enough for that. In fact, you are the reason why I am on a plane to my launch site in Atlanta right now. Your support, words, encouragement, gifts, and prayers have continually reminded me of the unfailing provision of my Heavenly Father, but more importantly, you have made me feel more courageous than I have ever felt in my life. Your obedience to the Lord has overflowed and encouraged me in being obedient.
This weekend I had the pleasure of spending time around wise and discerning supporters that spoke many necessary words over me. One of these powerful conversations included the reminder of the beautiful prayer Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, “Not my will, but yours be done.” As I walk forward into an unknown journey that my God has called me to walk, the power of this prayer starts to dig deep. Which makes me think about that night in the garden. Jesus knelt before His father, pleading for another way, asking for the cup to pass. As I press into this prayer further, the word “but” stands out with extreme power. “Not my will BUT yours be done.” Jesus willingly laid aside what HE wanted for the sake of ME. Jesus chose to take the punishment of my sin upon himself, undergoing extreme torture physically and spiritually. How can I look at what my King has done for me and not pray the same prayer?
So even if it means a year of complete discomfort, even if it means a year of missing important things here in the states, and even if it rips me away from the people I love most in this world, may His will be done.
I trust in my King, that I will be taken care of beyond measure, because He is faithful. This year will be a blessing, I’m sure of it, because I know who my God is. I know that he will not only protect, provide and take care of me, but He will use this year for far greater things I have planned or ever imagined. Because that is the character of our King: He blesses His children greatly as He calls them to be bold and courageous for His name’s sake.
I pray for courage for you. That no matter what you have been called to do, you can join me on the journey of mirroring Jesus that night in the garden of gethsemane. May our prayer reflect his prayer, our heart reflect his heart, and our lives reflect his glory.
