March 18, 2018.
In the fall of 2013 I learned about the World Race. A professor of mine introduced the idea to me after discussing my passion for international missions. After seeing videos and clicking around on the website for a few hours, I was sold. This was exactly the adventure and ministry I was hoping for; I wanted to be a part of global change. I was 18 at the time and wanted to leave school to pursue this opportunity. After spending time in prayer and discussing the opportunity with mentors and wise family members, I had a very real peace from the Lord that I needed to wait. So, I did. I earned my degree and left in October of 2017! Easy, right? Wrong. This decision was very difficult for many reasons, but let me introduce you to the hardest part. There is someone very important I need to introduce you to: Nathan Luke De Young, my heart’s pursuer. Here’s our story.
I met Nathan in the Spring of 2014 (just a short 2 months after learning about the World Race and deciding I was going to go). Nathan transferred to Concordia and was introduced to me by one of my best guy friends and his cousin, Josh. Nathan and I were instantly friends. We connected talking about camp, shared similar humor and loved discussing theology and Biblical truths. After spring break, he asked me on a date. I was not expecting it and was very excited to say yes! That evening was so much fun. Dinner, bowling and a hike to a beautiful overlook of Austin. It was very much Nathan’s style: fun, delicious and intentional. We shared laughter, vulnerable conversation and Nathan listened to me for hours as I talked about my passion for worldwide missions, heart for working with kids and frustrations with divisions in the Church. A few weeks later, he asked me (well, first he asked my parents) if he could continue pursuing my heart in a very intentional and honorable fashion. We became boyfriend and girlfriend and fell in love very, very quickly.
After just 2 weeks of dating Nathan, hearing him speak and getting to know his heart, I learned very quickly that this is a man I would love to spend the rest of my life with. And after praying about it, the Lord confirmed this truth to be so. However, I also had peace of knowing that marriage was no where close at that time. But anyone who knows me, also known my struggle with patience and my passion to plan. So, I took matters in my own hands. I made plans to marry Nathan as soon as possible, whatever it takes. As you may guess, I had forgotten about the World Race. I neglected seeking out wisdom and praying for discernment, because all I could see was what I wanted: to be married to Nathan.
Later that semester, I heard a sermon that inspired me to pray a dangerous prayer. Psalm 139. I asked the Lord to search my heart and reveal what is in the way of Him.“Dangerous? Yeah right,” I thought to my prideful self. Well, soon after that, I began to see many red flags in Nathan and I’s relationship that then lead to me seeking out wisdom and learning that we needed to breakup. So in December of 2014, we broke up and it was heartbreaking. As I left the room, tears filled my eyes but peace filled my heart. The Lord reminded me that I had prayed that dangerous prayer and asked me to trust him. The next four months were miserable. Nathan and I have named that grueling four months “breakup season” and still feel a twinge of pain when it comes up. During this time, we were individually stripped and brought back to the cross in beautiful, painful ways. Jesus reminded us that He is the only one who can take the spot on the throne and that in all things, He alone gives us life. Before the summer, Nathan and I sat down with our mentors and we decided we wanted to rebuild a relationship. So we did, from the ground up. We started dating again in the fall and since then, our relationship has looked very different. We are consistent in seeking wisdom, continually placing our relationship at the feet of Jesus and asking God to bless us as we walk forward or disturb our spirits if we need to step away from one another.
The Lord has continued to bless our relationship. We have been together for just over four years now (in total) and it has been a painful and beautiful journey. Since refocusing on the Lord’s will for us, individually, Nathan and I have been called to serve in different communities, making our relationship long-distance for two and a half years now. Each season has gotten harder and better. The Lord continues to humble us and bring us back to His side, individually. As Nathan and I individually pursue the Lord, we are getting closer to one another, no matter the physical distance between us.
So why do I tell you that story? Even though I love to talk about Nathan and could write a book about the fullness of what we have learned through our journey, I want to share with you how this has all played a part in my journey of being on the World Race. As breakup season ended, I told Nathan I was going on the Race and that wasn’t an option because the Lord has called me to do so. This attitude has been consistent for both of us since the learning we walked through in breakup season. Nathan is now serving in Peachtree City, Georgia as a the Minister to Children and Youth at St. Paul Lutheran Church. This past summer, I felt the weight of our global separation starting to set in. How could the Lord call me so far from him? If this is the man I am to spend the rest of my life with, doesn’t it make more sense to be near him, preparing to build a life alongside him? What if he meets someone else while I am away? What if the Lord calls me to full time missions in one of the eleven countries I will serve in? The questions, both logical and irrational, flooded my brain. My best friend Madilynn spoke truth over me through tears, as she has done since the very beginning of Nathan and I’s relationship, before I even met him. She reminded me of the character of my Savior. She reminded me of the Lord’s faithfulness and told me that He has something better. I believed it, but I didn’t want it. I wanted to graduate, get married and begin building our lives and family together. But yet, here I am, in Cacak, Serbia, very far from Nathan and very at peace with the Lord’s plan for us.
Jesus shapes me everyday. And He shapes Nathan everyday. Though this plan is not mine and the pain of living two very separate lives weighs very heavy on our hearts most days, my God is still good. He has surrounded me with a community that loves me, He has given Nathan the opportunity to establish and support a community in a way that would look very different if I was there, and He is molding us every single day. As Madilynn reminded me, “marriage will only be sweeter when we choose to wait on the Lord and pursue His plan, not ours.” While Nathan and I have hopes to marry, we continually submit ourselves, our relationship and one another to the Lord. In return, we are given fullness of life and blessing upon blessing! We serve a good God who loves to bless his children. And so, wherever He calls me next, wherever He calls Nathan next, we walk forward in faith, trusting our Father to provide and protect all that he has established.
Nathan continually shows me the love of Jesus. He is forgiving, he is gentle, he is sacrificial, he is understanding, he is quick to call me higher and slow to be angry with me. Nathan continually offers me grace, he always confesses when he has not protected or loved me according to what the Lord has asked of him, and he continues to fiercely pursue Jesus before me. Though he is not here with my physically, the Lord is using him in powerful ways to teach me along this journey. But most importantly, I am reminded of my savior’s love for me through Nathan. Nathan is my heart’s pursuer and every single day I am thankful for him, our story and the Lord’s provision and plan for our lives.
Dear Nathan,
Thank you for continually pursuing me. From the beginning of our relationship you have taught me about pursuit, grace, humility and love. I am so thankful for the man you are and who God is shaping you to be. I can’t wait to walk life with you permanently, but for now, I am thankful to know you, to be encouraged by you and to be loved by you. Thank you. I love you. I am blessed to pursue you and be pursued by you.
