I was privileged to be raised in a home where Jesus was a regular part of our conversation. My parents and I often memorized scripture together and I was taught to pray heart-filled bedtime prayers. I was raised in a Christian home, in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod denomination and I am very, very thankful for such an upbringing.
In 1990, my parents moved from Southern California to Southern Illinois. My siblings and I often teased my parents about this. We would stand on the beaches of So Cal and look at my parents with complete lack of understanding. “A beach-town for a farm-ville?!” However, as we grew older and came to the understanding of cost of living, the blessing of extended family and the privilege of small towns, we stopped nagging and started thanking. As they headed east, my mom said she had one request for her children: to attend a Christian day school. In Belleville, Illinois and the surrounding towns, there was only one church per denomination in the early 90’s. And it just so happened that the Lutheran church, just 3 blocks from Granny’s house, had a kindergarten through eighth grade school attached. Zion Lutheran Church and School became the grounds that I spent most of my childhood learning, growing, playing and developing.
Being raised Lutheran was a blessing for so many reasons. I was taught the beauty and importance of prayer life starting at age 5. In the 1st grade I began to learn to memorize scripture. And by 6th grade I was enrolled in the “Stepping Stones” program: a program that taught me about studying my Bible and invited my parents to sit next to me as guides as I highlighted, asked big and small questions and processed powerful lessons. I will never forget being handed that simple black Bible and a highlighter. My parents sat on each side of me, opened to the front cover, pointed out that the Bible belonged to me and read to me their promises and hopes for me as I grew in studying the Word. Though it wasn’t the first Bible I received, I will never forget the empowerment I felt to study.
In the eighth grade I was confirmed with my class of 32 other students. Confirmation Day was a blur, but I remember it was a big deal. For almost 3 years, I had been preparing for this day. Studying scripture, answering hard questions and being encouraged to claim my faith as my own. I wore a white robe pinned with a red carnation, walked down the center aisle of the church as my Youth Pastor read aloud my statement of faith and then knelt to be prayed over. My Pastor, Youth Pastor, parents and Godparents placed their hands on me as my pastor prayed aloud. That day was a big day.
Several years later, I find myself stepping outside, what my friends here have called, “the Lutheran box.” I am on the World Race. A year’s worth of commitment to traveling in uncomfortability, spiritual growth and the charismatic church movement. Now, this title “charismatic church” is new to me. As I was growing up I knew that there were many churches but I truly didn’t see a difference. Now, I feel like all I hear about are differences in theology and viewpoints that somehow affect the margin in which I am learning more about scripture, the Holy Spirit and faith in general. This division has me more confused than ever before.
This has been the hardest, most draining and confusing 10 months of my life. I’ve asked more questions, dug deeper into scripture and prayed for more understanding on this journey than I ever thought I would. Every day is a new day of questioning my gifting. “Why doesn’t the Lord talk to me the way he talks to her? Does evangelism really work without relationship? What is that language my teammate is speaking while she prays? Why do I feel so much less qualified to do this?” It has been an extremely difficult journey to navigate and discern alone.
Now who is at fault? Zion was a place I called home away from home. They taught me about foundational pieces of my faith that I will forever be grateful for. The World Race has mission: to share the Gospel. When you gather 50 individuals from 50 different backgrounds of faith, of course everything is confusing! The most important aspect of our life has different perspectives and when the perspective I grew up with is called “wrong” or “odd,” it’s absolutely offensive. The reason I am writing this blog is not to point fingers or call out any faults. The reason I tell you all of this is to highlight the beautiful work that God can do in a willing spirit. That’s it!
Before training camp, I was hoping to experience a solid faith atmosphere that ignited something in me and made me more solid in my decision to go on the Race. The exact opposite happened. Training camp scared me and made me question everything about what I was getting into. But I held to the foundational truth spoken: I’m broken, we are all broken. God, in His love, decided to do something about my brokenness to ensure I get to spend eternity with Him. So, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus lived and died a perfect man. He rose 3 days later and proclaims eternal love to all! Those who recognize Him as their Lord and Savior will spend eternity in paradise by His side. The Gospel. The reason I’m still here.
You see, I didn’t come on the Race to grow in the gift of evangelism or to defend my beliefs about baptism. I came to share the love of Jesus with people and ministries around the world! The ride has been hard, but it has been so worth it. The Gospel is the foundation of faith! Which means, I have so much to learn and so much to teach beyond that! But my focus is sharing Jesus. My team’s focus is sharing Jesus. And my squad’s focus is sharing Jesus. That’s all I could ask for on this Race.
Along the way, I have made friends that have challenged me, learned from me and grown alongside me. The diversity of Christian faith is beautiful if we choose to humbly ask questions and study scripture together. One of the teams I had the blessing to be a part of included a Lutheran, a Messianic Jew, a Calvinist, an Ex-Amish, a Catholic and a charismatic Non-Denominational. That could have gone one of two ways. We could have allowed our backgrounds and upbringings to be the pride to which we clung, but instead we had some of the most beautifully difficult 2am conversations! I have learned an incredible amount as I’ve realized that I don’t know everything, to ask questions and to focus on the message of the cross. The growth I’ve experienced has been so worth every bit of confusion and frustration. And the message of Jesus has reached nation after nation because we have chosen unity over division, all glory be to God.
While walking and learning alongside my charismatic friends and asking big and hard questions has been a thrill, I am so excited to return to my home church, open a hymnal and hear a sermon from the depths of cross-referenced scripture. It’s good to be a Lutheran. It’s even better to be a disciple of Jesus.
Next week I hope to write a question and answer blog! So send me all your questions! In just one week I will be leaving Rwanda and heading to Uganda for month 11! Send me your most pressing, daring or just plain weird questions of curiosity. Please write them either in the comments below, contact me on social media or email them to me directly: [email protected]. Thanks! Can’t wait to answer!
