That time I died in Romania….
Just kidding, I just really wanted y’all to read this blog. 😉
My team set a goal for ourselves that we would do 30 minutes of ‘quiet time’ each day. Whether that’s praying, worshiping, doing listening prayer, or reading the Word. If we don’t do those 30 minutes, we get to do 30 ‘increments of pain’ (squats, push-ups, a 30-second plank, etc), and we’ve held each other accountable pretty well.
Since beginning this in Thailand I’ve found myself wanting more and more to dig deeper into God’s word. I’d been working my way through Psalms but during debrief in Belgrade last week, for some reason, I felt I needed to do something different. I remembered that one of my teammates gave me a list of verses to read and meditate on, but honestly never did. The first was Romans 5:1-9. Verses 6-9 stuck out to me, especially.
“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possible dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us.”
There was no reason for God to send Jesus to die for us. We were dirty, sinful creatures (and still would be without His grace and mercy), but His love for us was and IS so great that He still sent Christ, His son, to be betrayed, tortured, humiliated, mocked, and ultimately killed for us. W were powerless and unworthy. But, quite literally, thank God He did because we would be hopelessly lost without His gift.
I’d like to say that I would die for any on of my friends or anyone on my team or squad, but honestly, I can’t, beyond a shadow of a doubt, say that I would lay down my own life for them, let alone send someone I dearly love to die for them. It makes no sense. It’s unfathomable.
This led me to read about the crucifixion of Jesus the next day, which happened to be Good Friday.
“This is my blood of the NEW covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” Matthew 26:28
Jesus knew what was about to happen. He knew he’d be betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter, mocked by the people, and eventually hung on a cross to die. In verses 39-44 He asks for the ‘cup’ to be taken from Him, but He knew what His Father’s plan was.
If He wasn’t 100% sure of what was to come, I wonder if He still would’ve said those things (“this IS my blood… which IS poured out…”) to His disciples at Passover. Would He have said something like, “this may happen tomorrow”? Instead, in Matthew 26:1-2, He tells His disciples that the “Son of Man WILL be handed over to be crucified.”. (I also believe this shows how fully God and fully human Jesus really was. He knew what needed to be done and trusted the Father’s plan, but He asked that if it was in any way possible, that the cup be taken from Him.)
I’ve read this story before, but as I read it last week, I was overwhelmed with the gravity of just what happened to Jesus. The first line that hit me harder than usual was Matthew 26:67, ‘Then they spit in His face and struck Him with their fists. Others slapped Him and said, “Prophecy to us, Messiah. Who hit you?”. Spitting in the face was the greatest contempt and disgrace that could’ve been shown to someone, as shown in Numbers 12:14, “The Lord replied to Moses, “If her father had spit in her face, would she not have been in disgrace for seven days?…”. Slapping someone with an open hand, back then, was considered such a dishonor that only a slave ought to endure it.
I’ve never been a particularly emotional person, in public at least. I hate crying in front of people, unless it’s my family, and try to hold back any time I feel it coming. But as I read, I began to weep, in a five-story coffee shop, in the middle of Belgrade, Serbia. I couldn’t hold back the tears when I thought of exactly what Jesus went through… for me. For my sins, my shame, my dirtiness.
I thought of the movie The Passion of the Christ and the scene where they nail Jesus to the cross. Mel Gibson, who directed it, put his own hands in front of the camera, holding the nails. He said, “It was me that put him on the cross. It was my sins” that put him there. I watched the movie later that night and it meant something so much different than what it did the first time I watched it 14 years ago.
There’s a scene where Jesus is carrying His cross, after being brutally beaten so bad He’s unrecognizable, and is still being hit and mocked by the guards escorting Him. At one point He looks up at one of them and stares Him straight in the eyes. And I thought to myself “Jesus is doing this for him, too.”.
We can’t even begin to imagine the amount of love that Jesus has for us. That the Father has. As much as we love our parents, children, husbands and wives, friends…. He loves us more and more and more.
“See His hands
See His scars
His love can’t be denied
Our God is high and lifted up
It is the cross my only plea
The blood He shed delivers me
Our Savior’s arms are open wide
A love so great the cross of Christ
Every debt
All we owe
He bears it as His own”
