“If you feel the dark, come close to me, your heart’s adjusted”
I have recently come into the knowldge and revelation of the Holy Spirit
My whole life I feel like people spoke in a way of “God is big anod sovereign but so intimate and created you. Jesus came and lived a perfect life and showed the most perfect love for us by dying on the cross so that we can have a relationship with Him. And oh yeah, there’s also this thing called the Holy Spirit.”
I never really understood what the Holy Spirit was and I most definitely had never experienced or heard the Holy Spirit, until training camp
At training camp it finally made since to me when the speaker said, “The Spirit of Jesus Christ lives inside of you. He chose you to carry His Spirit and with that you can do the same works Jesus did on Earth AND FAR MORE!
HOW STINKIN’ EXCITING!
I have Jesus’ Spirit inside of me and through His Spirit I can heal the sick, give the blind sight and tell the paralyzed to get up and walk
Experiencing and hearing the Spirit of Jesus and doing miraculous works and is not something that only happened a long time ago when the Bible was being written
IT IS NOW because we carry the Spirit of Jesus Christ inside of us!!!!
LIKE WHAT?!?!?
However, within this new revelation of the Holy Spirit and creating space to hear Him and live through Him, Satan is not happy.
Spiritual warfare is real
Satan immediately started attacking my dreams and bringing up things I thought I had already overcome
One of those things is the feeling of loneliness
In my past I really struggled with having friends
Not that we would ever get in a fight or have a falling out, but for whatever reason I could never keep friends or have a solid friend group for more than about a year
I felt so alone, unwanted and not good enough
I felt like something was wrong with me
Here in all-squad month Satan started attcking me with these feelings again
The lies he spoke to me are:
You are alone
You are different, you always have been and you always will be
No one gets you or understands you
No one is on the same page as you, you’re alone
You are good at being alone, you might as well stick to what you are good at
You dont bring anything to the table
You might as well give up
It’s easier to choose to be by yourself than to be alone in a crowded room
In the past, when I would start feeling this was I would think to myself “Taylor you are being pathetic. Other people have way bigger problems than not having friends. You are being selfish. Get over yourself, stop being sad and be the joyful person everyone needs you to be.”
I would sweep it under the rug and act like it never happened and I thought that was healing and overcoming
However, that really only puts a band-aid over a broken bone
I actually want to heal and overcome and move past these LIES
So I decided to sit in how I was feelings and create space for God to move and work and speak and actually grow me and change my heart
God speaks to me A LOT through music. So as I sat in my loneliness listening to music these are the truths God spoke to me:
Don’t give up, dont you quit on me
I’ve seen you and know you and I’m not going anywhere
If I get you alone, I promise you to turn the light on
If you feel the dark, come close, your heart’s adjusted
So come and look for me. I’m sorry but its like that sometimes
Come back to my house and i will give you what they cant offer
You dont have much practice with being honest withyourself
Its nice to know I’m not alone, Ive found my home here in your arms
Hearing and experiencing the Holy Spirit is AMAZING but the attacks of the enemy are real and dealing with past wounds are real
The enemy is a thief and comes only to steal, kill and destroy. And theives only go after what is valuable so what an honor it is to be attacked by Satan
And if I never struggle and sit in how I actually feel, how will I grow?
So I will sit in my loneliness, rebuke the lies of the enemy and replace them with the truths God speaks over me, as long as it takes to actually heal and overcome and for His work to be made complete in me
