Coming back from the Everest Base Camp Trek was actually a difficult transition for me
For the month of Nepal we were team Everest while our original teams went to their scheduled ministry locations
I was really excited to be on this team while we experienced this once in a life time experience
However, when God sends a blessing, Satan is quick to send his schemes
I was constantly battling lies of
Your original team is going to bond even more this next month and you’re going to miss it
You’re going to be lost and excluded on all the inside jokes
They are going to discover an incredible sense of unity and it’s because you’re not there
When you return back to your team, you’re not going to belong anymore
You’re going to be an outcast
Some of these were new lies, but most stemmed from the past
Satan was taking a past wound and insecurity and using it against me full force
But I said GET BENEATH ME SATAN!
I chose to stand on truth and embrace my new team Everest (which was TOTALLY STELLAR)
As we returned from the mountain, we all started asking God what our next step was
ATL: Ask the Lord
Where should we go?
What should we do?
Assuming we would stay together as team Everest during ATL, I was disheartened to find out that 2 of our teammates were going back to join their original team
Which made complete sense considering their team was also doing ATL in the same city
This left our little team Everest with a total number of 3
Coincidently my 2 remaining teammates doubled as our squad leaders and they felt God placed on their hearts to go join our 2 all girl teams in a different town
So I had a choice to make
I couldn’t join my original team because they were located on top of a mountain, furthest from the city and logistically it didn’t make sense
I could join the ATL team in the city
Or
I could join my 2 teammates/squad leaders in going to the all girl teams
Although EVERYONE made it very clear that I was welcome to join them, I felt an overwhelming feeling of not belonging
Satan attacked my mind yet again
I couldn’t join the ATL team because it would be sed team+Taylor and I would just be an inconvenience and awkward addition
I couldn’t join my teammate/squad leaders because traveling around from team to team is part of their position. If I joined them, people would think I’m trying to be a squad leader. And since I’m not a squad leader I would be awkwardly joining teams and ministries and no one would know why I’m there.
After praying for discernment and voicing my concerns and fears, THAT I KNEW WERE LIES, I decided to join my 2 teammate/squad leaders in visiting the all girl teams
And I’m not going to lie, it was difficult
I experienced some situations where I couldn’t be with my 2 teammates because reality is I’m not a squad leader and it wouldn’t be inappropriate for me to join
I experienced having to leave a room because a team was having team time and reality is that I’m not on that team
Satan did his absolute best to take the lies in my head and make them reality in the physical realm
But per usual, everything Satan intends for bad, God uses for good
One night, after having to leave a team time, I was walking back to my hostel alone Instead of feeling discouraged, every step actually brought me an unusual sense of joy until I was eventually laughing out loud and running up the stairs, so excited to grab my bible and journal and spend time with Jesus
Instead of feeling alone, I felt an overwhelming sense of Jesus being jealous to spend time with me
In that time with Jesus, He revealed to me that the feeling of not belonging is not a new sensation for me
This is the same feeling I had in high school
I didn’t feel wanted or that I belonged
I had a lot of people who liked me and who would consider me a friend but I never belonged to a specific group
Being in high school I took that as, I don’t belong anywhere
But on that rooftop, surrounded by Christmas lights and faint Nepali music, Jesus told me other wise
He told me that I’ve always thought I didn’t belong anywhere because I didn’t have a specific group but in reality I belong everywhere
He’s given me the ability to get along with anyone I meet
He’s given me the ability to be versatile and not confined to one certain group of people
He’s given me the ability to make wherever I am my home and whoever I’m with my family
Satan has told me I don’t belong anywhere
But God tells me that I belong everywhere
If you’ve ever felt as if you don’t belong anywhere, know
1. You are not alone; I know the feeling all too well
2. That is a lie from Satan
3. God says you belong everywhere
