This is my friend Ruby and the Lord used her to bring great revelation to my life these past few days
About 6 months ago the Lord revealed my heart to me
It was covered in metal sheets with bullet holes, cuts, dents, and roots grown out over all of it, but underneath was shiny gold peeking through
God reminded me of this while I was laying in the grass in Ethiopia, watching my favorite turtle friend, Ruby
He revealed to me that, similarly to a turtle shell, I had created for myself a superficial covering to protect my heart
And rightfully so… look at it
It was clear to see all the damage that had happened
There wasn’t a lack of necessity for protection of my heart, but I have been protecting it in the wrong way
This superficial covering was inhibiting me from receiving the FULLNESS of God’s love, specifically through His children around me
As I looked at Ruby’s shell, God revealed to me each panel I have been hiding behind to protect myself from getting hurt
Joy and shoving my emotions
“It’s okay. It didn’t hurt that bad. Others have experienced worse. It’s nothing to actually be upset about.”
If I don‘t acknowledge the emotions I don’t want to feel, then they don’t exist
Believing lies
If I believe the truth instead of the lies I open the door to allowing people to contradict the truth I believe
If people say hurtful things, it doesn’t effect me because I already believe the lie they spoke over me… they aren’t telling me anything I don’t know
Trust issues
If I trust others then I am giving them the opportunity to break that trust
If I don’t have trust for them to begin with, they can never lose that trust, hurt or disappoint me
With-drawing
Removing myself from every situation that has the possibility of rejecting or hurting me is easier than actually being rejected or hurt because I CHOSE to leave
Constant travel
If I move around constantly no one has enough time to hurt or reject me
By the time they chose to reject me, I’ll be gone
Apathy
“I don’t care…that didn’t hurt me”
If I don’t care, no one can hurt me
Independence
“I am a strong independent woman that does not need ANYONE else”
I don’t need anyone else; I only need God
If I do everything myself no one has the opportunity of letting me down or hurting me
Pride
Even though God has drastically changed and redeemed me and my heart and my ability to love, I don’t believe or trust that others have been as well
After revealing to me all the ways I have been protecting myself superficially and the things He wants to remove, He reminded me that He would never leave me exposed or unprotected
He simply wants to replace those panels with His Armor
Where I would retreat into my shell to protect myself and the only thing left seen is a superficial barrier, He wants to give me His armor so I can find refuge and shelter in Him and the only thing left seen is Him and His love
Instead of superficial barriers the Lord desires to give me His:
Belt of Truth
Breastplate of Righteousness
Feet fitted with preparation of the Gospel of Peace
Shield of Faith
Helmet of Salvation
Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God
And praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints
And reminding me that my struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:10-18
I don’t have it all figured out yet
But I am in a beautiful process of letting the Lord remove my shell to give me His Armor
Turtle shells were only meant for turtles yall
