Hey everyone! I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted on here, but God put it on my heart to write and update you on what’s been going on recently.
Everyone subscribed to this blog has played a huge role in the work God has done in my life the last few years, whether it’s financial, praying for me, or just cheering me on from the sidelines, and that is something I’m forever grateful for. So if you’re reading this right now, I appreciate you & love you! More than you know!
The last year has been hard for me. So incredibly hard. As most of you know, this time last year I was sent home from the mission field 2 and a half months early. It was unexpected, and I felt like someone had ripped the rug out from underneath my feet. Not only was I having to return back to the states and say goodbye to my squad, but I was returning back to a place that was totally different than what I left.
One after another I have seen the Lord shut (or should I say, SLAM) so many doors in my life recently. Doors that I’ve begged him to keep open. Things that I have put my hope into & looked forward to. I have consistently had to give up my desires & expectations and lay them at the feet of Jesus. Heartbreak after heartbreak & disappointment after disappointment. It has been so difficult and confusing, and I’ve too many times been left wondering “why?” with no answers.
I remember one morning a few months ago, I was having my time with Jesus and being so frustrated & asking, “God, what are you even doing? I’m trying so hard to follow you but this sucks.” (okay Job, pack it up.) In that moment, I instantly felt the Lord’s grace & peace wash over me & remind me of what John 13:7 says- “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” Those words stopped me in my tracks & allowed me to get my eyes of myself. To get my eyes off of my circumstances &my problems, but instead to look at Jesus. I think that’s why we tend to let our anxieties and fears surround us — because we’re not allowing Jesus to take control of them and see them for what they really are. We forget that He is doing things behind the scenes, things that we won’t necessarily see until later.
The verse the Lord has placed on my heart & been using to give me comfort recently has been Psalm 34:18- “the Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” What a sweet reminder! Something I have been learning so much recently is the nearness of the Lord. He is always with us, of course, but I think in times of heartbreak and loneliness He leans in just a little closer. It’s been such a sweet time of getting to experience God’s love in a new way & allow Him to heal me, instead of distracting with things to numb the pain. He has taught me that even good things aren’t always what God has for us, and by giving those things up we’re trusting that He’ll replace them with something better.
The last year has been hard, but it has humbled me & showed me my need for Jesus. It’s pushed me to look more like Him — to be patient & to wait on the Lord, to love people harder, to be a better friend & empathize more, and to worship harder. It’s been bittersweet, but throughout all of it I have had a joy that is unshakeable & not determined by my circumstances.
Switching gears, now that the hard things are out of the way, I can talk about some of the biggest blessings I have experienced this year& how the Lord has used them. I’ve been interning at my church since August, and had the privilege to lead 6th and 7th grade girls (the coolest group of 6th and 7th grade girls might I add). I’ve been able to experience some of the sweetest moments with them & watched them grow in their relationship with Jesus. I’ve mentored high school boys and girls and watched them boldly step out in faith. The Lord has grown me in leadership, and how to serve others in that. I met my best friend, someone I have prayed for my entire life & seen God work in our friendship in the most insane ways. I was even able to return to the job that I had before leaving for the World Race, and through that I have been so financially blessed and have been able to share Jesus with some of my coworkers. I have done a whole LOT of traveling to visit friends all over the states. I have met strangers on buses & airports & coffee shops and had divine appointments —conversations about Jesus with them that have totally shaped my perspective about who God is & how He loves His people.
In January, I felt the Lord tugging my heart somewhere I wouldn’t expect. I got the opportunity to do a DTS with Youth with a Mission in Kona, Hawaii. I got accepted to be apart of their 6 month program, where I will be taking classes, living on campus, and serving in the community for 3 months, and then I will spend another 3 months doing global outreach (not exactly sure where yet??). I spent the months of January-April intensely praying over this decision and making sure that it is what God had for me next. I have been so excited to share this with everyone & allow them in on what God is about to do in my life the next few months! I leave at the end of September, and until then I will be serving at various Christian Camps, probably doing a little more traveling, and fundraising for Hawaii!
With all that being said, I would say that I have learned to not make definite plans, because the Lord might (and probably will!!) knock them down and have you doing something you would never expect. Wait on the Lord. Trust Him with the things that are really hard and messy. And remember He is doing things we can’t see!
I wanted to thank each and every one of you for being apart of this, and supporting me. Also if you read this entire blog post, props to you because I probably wouldn’t have. If you want to donate to my trip, you can do so through this link – https://apply.ywamkona.org/payment?language=en_US&cId=0035G00001f7aNz Please do not donate through my World Race blog, I won’t get it! Anyways, love you all so much!
-Taylor
