August 15, 2016, I arrived at Shelterwood – a therapeutic Christian boarding school where I’ve spent the last 365 days mentoring at-risk teens. Very few people understand that identity and how loaded those words are. I feel insanely older now, like I’ve grown 10 years in 1. I know I’m not even close to the same person I was as I began this journey, and that’s friggin’ exciting. I’m exhausted, strengthened, weakened, and joyful all in one. There’s not enough words in our vocabulary to explain what one experiences as a Big at Shelterwood, but in reminiscing on these past 12 months I can come up with one name that does it justice.
This year was about Jesus. It was about living out the gospel in every aspect of its glory. Every year is, but this year I actually saw it, felt it, lived it, and acknowledged Christ’s presence in it. I stood there and told kids I still loved them while they cussed me out. I followed them around campus into dark hours of the night to keep them safe. I searched for them when they ran. I answered questions that they asked and shared parts of myself I never thought I would with a bunch of entitled teens. I used time off to pursue relationships and show them how much value they have. I cooked, cleaned, supervised, and occasionally played. That doesn’t even explain half of what we went through, though.
I wish I could say that I did all of those things so well in this year. With God’s grace in every step, His presence on my mind, and His name on my lips. But, I didn’t. I failed a lot. I suffered a lot. I cried a lot.
I thought of Adam and Eve often throughout my weeks, and how God taught and loved them through their brokenness. They had perfect relationships at first with each other; with God. They had no shame. Then, they questioned the value, safety, and care that God had for them. They believed lies they were told. They chose temporary satisfaction from those lies and their insecurities. They were shameful, and their relationships were tainted because of it.
But He still took care of them. In His anger from their mistrust and disobedience, God still had compassion on them and made them clothes to wear so that they wouldn’t feel shame. They ruined something so beautiful and innocent, but God refused to give up on them. They are His creation. He loves them and had mercy on them.
That’s what this year was like. Seeing these incredible children for who they are; creations of God who, because of that identity, have so much worth. Seeing past the awful behavior and foul words into souls of humans who have lost their value and feel shame because of it. Realizing that we all have walked that path one way or another and have been in these kids’ shoes is so humbling. So, yes, this year was hard, but God used every second for growth and glory. It was a privilege to even have thought that God wanted me to be a part of it.
So, I get to stay! God’s work through me here isn’t done yet, so I get to keep loving His beautiful kiddos for a few more months. After everything I’ve experienced here, it was always hard for me to imagine how much more suffering and growth I could go through in this life. Well, with launch on the World Race less than 5 months away, I think God has a pretty solid plan for that…
