So as you most likely already know, we finished up our first month of the World Race in Ukraine!
Like I already shared, Ukraine was absolutely amazing for me. It captured my heart. It captured my heart because I got to establish such amazing relationships with some of the locals. So many sweet memories made. The month in general wasn’t hard for me. We did things that I was kind of used to doing in the states. The hardest part for me was leaving. And when I say hardest, I mean it. It was so difficult for me. As soon as I left, all I wanted to do was go back. When we first arrived in Romania, I did not want to be here. All I could desire was to go back to Ukraine and be with the people I got to know there. I kept just reliving the memories I made in Ukraine but it also hurt because things were no longer the same. I remember asking God as I was walking around in Romania: “God, Why can’t I let this go? Why does it hurt so bad?”.
I didn’t get an answer and I started to get a little frustrated with myself because I didn’t want this to effect what God was wanting me to do in Romania and the rest of the race. I am with my entire squad this month, I am excited! So why do I feel this way? I wasn’t mentally or emotionally present at first in Romania, my heart was still in Ukraine.
Later on our first day of arriving in Romania, I saw Hope. Not hope literally but Hope the person hahah. Hope is one of our squad leaders and she was with my team in Ukraine. As soon as I saw her I asked her “Hey, can we talk later?” and she said of course!
Later that night sure enough, we went up to this balcony and talked. Instantly we began talking about how amazing Ukraine was for us and how much we are hurting from leaving. After we talked for a bit, we wanted to end in prayer. So Hope began praying and as she was praying she randomly stopped and was quiet for a little bit. I knew God was speaking to her. Then she said “I went to pray for God to heal our hearts but as I went to pray for healing, God said no. He doesn’t want to cover up the wound just yet. He wants us to feel it” And normally, that would bring the opposite of peace. God saying no to stop pain that you are feeling? Him allowing you to feel it?
But you know what, for the first time leaving Ukraine, after Hope mentioned God said no to healing and that He wanted us to feel it, I finally had peace! It still hurts when I think about not being in Ukraine anymore and it comes in waves, but I have such peace about it. How cool is that?! And i am not saying that God purposefully causes pain, but He knows how to use it to grow us!
The take away: we don’t have to run from pain. We don’t have to try and rush to shut ourselves off from feeling hurt. Let things hurt. Pain is a great teacher. But GOD is such a good God and is with you in it. He can give you peace amongst it.
I know there are things God is wanting me to learn from this pain of leaving. And I know a lot of it is trust. Letting go and giving it to God. Knowing you can still have joy through it. I’d much rather love well and let it hurt to leave than to not of made the connections I did. It’s a million times worth it 🙂
I am so thankful for the memories made in Ukraine. Memories I will take with me the rest of my life. With the hope of seeing Ukraine again!
We are currenty on our way to Draganesti-Olt, Romania. Where we will be doing ministry this month! Super excited to see what God has in store for this month.
Whelp, that is all for now. Thanks for reading 🙂
Much love, T.
