I was walking down the street towards the first bar of the night with so much on my mind. I, of course, was getting in my own head and overthinking what this night had in store. It was then that I was asked by my friend how I was feeling about what was ahead. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts and try to explain my feelings in a way that made sense. The thing is, the bar scene is something that I am familiar with. But, being quite honest, I was nervous, not because I am not used to the “bar scene” or all that comes with it, but because I have never done this exactly. My experience in bars entailed having drinks, talking to my friends, and making small talk to the overly friendly guys that always seem to crowd those spaces. But this time, I am walking into bars completely sober, trying to show love to women, and encourage them to make the bold choice of leaving this lifestyle. I am in the exact opposite field, completely out of my comfort zone.
All the experience I have had, I may as well throw out the window. My former mentality towards this kind of “night out” is so off base and has no application to what is ahead of me this month. I am on the other side of that lifestyle. I made it through and I found peace when I decided to leave that frivolous life of mine behind. The thing is I also know, in a small sense, how glamorous that life can look. The music, the alcohol, the friends, invitations to parties, meeting new people, free drinks, skipping lines, living fast, experiencing everything in a slight blur. It can look so inviting and, well, fun. But it is empty. I know how it feels to wake up in the morning, head pounding, mouth dry, and wonder what I was doing, and if I would ever feel satisfied. It was easier in those moments to take another shot or hit rather than dwell on the fact that there was a bottomless pit that I was trying to fill.
How am I supposed to convey to these women, especially with the language barrier, that the emptiness they feel upon waking up every morning is not ever going to be satisfied unless they walk away? How am I supposed to explain to them that, although the money is good, it will never be enough? How do I bring up the thirst they have won’t be quenched unless they decide to turn their lives to God?
One of the strongholds here in Thailand that my team and I were asked to pray against was hopelessness. I can see now that it is not only applicable to the women, men, and children of Thailand, but also those of us who are here trying to make a difference. It is at these moments of feeling overwhelmed and useless, that I have to remember that I am not here to change the face of sex trafficking. I am not here to stop it all together, or to rescue hundreds of people from the bondage that they are in. I am here to love them the way Jesus called us to love those who are lost. Because like Him, I did not come to help the healthy, but the sick. I am here so that He can shine through me and give those people, if even for a moment, something to truly smile about. And if it is His will, I can help give resources to someone so that they have somewhere to go if they decide to leave. Even if it is only one person.
“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58
Every morning, I pray for the strength to make it through the day, the courage to step out of my comfort zone, the boldness to strike up conversations, and the peace that passes all understanding as I go about seeking God’s plan. Please continue to keep me and my team in your thoughts and prayers this holiday season! Much love from Chiang Mai.
