Dear Sophie*,
A couple days ago, I was in my tent during a bad thunderstorm, and the only thing I could do was cry, and wish my mom was there. That’s crazy! My mom died 14 years ago, and I’ve grown up, and yet here I was crying for my mom in a tent in the middle of Africa.
I’ve always known, but it really hit me hard that night, that this grieving thing over a dead parent never ends. And that’s okay.
Why did it take me 14 years to figure that out? Because even if people don’t mean to, they always make you feel like you have to be strong.
“Wow, you’re so strong for growing up without a mom”
“You’ve handle everything so well”
But let’s be real, we don’t have to be put together all the time. God didn’t want that for us.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with with those who mourn.” Romans 12:15
I don’t have all the answers of why something like this had to happen, that’s something you have to let God take your hand and let him show you his plan. Trust him though, take that hand, and dare to walk through that with him.You won’t regret it.
I’m just here to tell you it’s okay to cry at your graduation because someone is missing in the audience. It’s okay that we will cry on our wedding day because a piece of you isn’t in attendance.
Our lives will never be the same, we will always look over our shoulders expecting to see our constant supporters. And that wont change whether they died 14 years ago, or a couple months ago.
Yes, a part of losing a parent is that you become a stronger person. But you don’t need to be strong all the time, don’t take 14 years to figure that out. Grab your best friend and cry on her shoulder until you can’t cry anymore. Don’t get frustrated with yourself every time you cry in the middle of the night because all you wanna do is call them. And don’t you dare start to think that it’s not okay to miss them as more time passes.
Every time you get close to someone new, you’ll have to tell them about your loss… It sucks every time and it gets old. But give those people grace when the only thing they can think of to say is “I’m sorry”.
Unfortunately there is a “Dead Parents Club”, because you form unexpected bonds with people because you can relate and they know your pain. Embrace those friendships because they will have a huge impact on your life.
Amongst all the grief, always take the time to celebrate their life, because man did they have a good one!
My favorite memory about my mom, is that during most thunderstorms if I didn’t end up sleeping in her bed, she ended up in mine.
It’s been 14 years since my mom died and I still expect her to come lay in bed with me during a thunderstorm, and every time she’s not there, I miss her.
And that’s okay.
With lots of love,
Taylor
— *This is to anyone who has lost a parent, but especially to my dearest friend Sophie.
