Going into training camp, I knew God was going to move.You can’t go to something like training camp and be around so many people who are surrendered to Christ and not expect God to be there.
So I knew God was going to work in my heart, that I would experience community and would grow in a deeper desire to see the nations reached. But even in those expectations, I had placed God in a box.
People, to our God, there is no such thing as a box. He is always moving in big ways.
I knew God was present but I did not realize he was going to show up, outside of the box I had so quickly put him in.
I serve a crazy God! A good kind of crazy of course! The kind of crazy that shows up in unexpected ways and throws our desires and expectations out the window only to reveal himself to us on a deeper more intimate level.
I not only experienced community, but I felt more a part of this group of people than I have ever felt in my life. I knew we would eventually get to know each other on a deeper level and enjoy serving together. But I never expected that after only a week with these people I would consider them my family. I never thought I would love these people so much that when I came back home I would start to feel home sick because they were no longer around. I am overwhelmed by the love I have fir these people and I cannot imagine my life any other way, than serving with them for 11 months of my life.
I believe I made friendships that will not only continue on the race but for the rest of my life.
I was open to the Lord working in my life and making me more in to his image but I was not planning on being wrecked. God broke me. He revealed to me my constant need for him, that nothing is more important than following him and that he is sovereign and always moving all I have to do is meet him there.
I expected to learn to trust God but I never thought that on day 1 of camp that He would ask me to step out in faith and follow him into the unknown.
When I first signed up for the race, I prayed about which route to go on. I truly felt that I was supposed to be on route 2. But the first night of camp when the need for 7 of us girls to move routes was brought up, felt God asking me to move. I freaked out. If I am being completely honest with you, I very adamantly told God no.
I had numerous reasons why I should not move routes.
I picked this route for a reason. I have desperately wanted to go back to Zimbabwe and I mean lets be real, Ireland was going to be freaking awesome!
I had been talking to these people and getting to know them for the past 6 months. The fact that I felt accepted and loved by these people(which is huge considering my fear of acceptance).
I had to go through that once but God you want me to surrender that to you again? NO WAY!
My God is crazy. For real.
Why me? So many questions, fears and confusion.
But at the same time, so much clarity.
I was upset and didn’t understand.
But at the same time I don’t know that I have ever heard God more clearly. I knew without a doubt that I was supposed to give up all my fears, desires and expectations to follow Gods direction.
I wish I could say I moved with a joyful heart and a smile on my face.
But I didn’t.
In fact, I was angry. Why was God doing this to me? What could God possibly be doing through this?
I stood up to tell them I would switch, and that was one of the hardest things I have done. I couldn’t even turn around to look back at my new friends I was now leaving.
But I moved, because as hard as it was, I wanted nothing more than to be in Gods will.
It took me all of that night and the next morning until I completely surrendered my will and became at peace with this decision.
It was hard, confusing and painful and I thought there was no way on earth I would ever be okay with this.
But I am. I am 100% at peace with my decision and I know without a doubt I’m exactly where God wants me.
If I had to do it over, I would do it the exact same way.
I still don’t know why God did what he did, but I’m excited to see what God has for me and the people I’m now going with!
God also did a lot in my heart that I thought I didn’t need to work on. Things I thought I already dealt with or worked on(past hurt, insecurities and fears) I was able to not only give things to God that I didn’t even know I needed to give him, but I was also able to step into a new identity. That I am who Christ says I am.
It is completely impossible for me to share every experience of training camp with you. I wish I could. That is why this is been such a hard blog to write because there is so much to say.
So, if I had to sum up my experience at training camp I would say,
God showed up in so many unexpected ways. I learned to trust, love and surrender on a completely new level. I made relationships that I truly feel will last a lifetime and I grew in my desire to reach the nations for Christ. I’m excited, I’m ready and I can’t wait to see God show up outside of my box and call me into deeper waters.
You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shores into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made
-Brave (by Bethel)
We are not called to an easy life of comfort; we are called to follow Christ at any cost.
