Hello from Botswana!
As I sit in our two bedroom flat, better known as an apartment in the states, I realize its time to start blogging and informing everyone back home of these past two months. I’ve been voiding writing a blog simply because I haven’t been able to find the words to write and WiFi is almost impossible to find. I’m not going to lie, the race has been H-A-R-D, I’m constantly being reminded of the race that is set before me. Spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Finding moments to sit and process everything hasn’t been easy. The hardest part of the first month was learning to live in community. With living in community, the only true time where I’m completely alone is in the bathroom, even still the odds of someone coming through the bathroom door are very high.
Our first month in South Africa we worked with a network called Beam Africa. After a 13+ hr flight we were drained to the max. We met our host at the airport and they drove us straight to Beam house. When we drove through the gates a sense of peace came over me, even though it was dark out I could feel the Lords wings over us. We walked into our new home for the next month with sparkles in our eyes. We had a full kitchen, tile floors, bunkbeds and two bathroom areas. We were living like queens. Plus we were living in a garden, with palm trees, grassy areas, places to sit and a safe place to take walks. Needless to say, we had plenty of places to runaway to when we needed a break. Our first couple of weeks we worked in the garden, we pulled multiple piles of weeds and put together trenches for their new water source. Even though we were just pulling weeds the Lord showed me some of the weeds I needed to pull in my own life in order to be able to grow in a new way. The weeds I pulled weren’t of people or past situations I’ve faced but the ideas and my perception of myself. The feelings I’ve had for myself have not been out of love but from years of living with the fear of rejection and acceptance of others. I was blinded by who I am and by who the Lord has created me to be, I’ve always tried to be like the people around me because I wanted to be accepted by them. I’ve cared more about others than myself to the point where I tried to be more like others than I tried to be myself and to love myself. I always thought everything I did or said had something wrong behind it but what was lying behind was the fact that I never believed in myself. I’ve let the decisions of my past take over the view of myself and I let those feelings define who I was. Even though, through all my of hardships, the Lord was always with me and still loving me through it all. I had to pull those negative ideas and feelings of myself to see that our Father believes in me. God created me in the exact way he intended to. He created who I am, and who I am is loved by him. If I’m loved by the creator of the universe why should I hold back from loving myself and loving the woman HE CREATED.
So how does that involve community? Living in the community I’m living in I have to take off the mask I’ve been walking in. In order for my team to love me in truth and in love they have to see me for who I am and I have to love who I am in order to be loved. I have to learn to trust myself and trust the Lord and his ways in order for the girls on my team to trust me. I no longer see myself as weak or as a burden, but a women with strength and purpose. No longer unwanted, ashamed or bounded but, loved, worthy and free. Each day my eyes are being opened to new qualities of myself. I see my character and personality in a new light and as a gift. Yes, there are things I am working on and I growing in. Now, I work towards bettering myself instead of being in a state of degrading who I am. I saw myself at such low point, there was no light within myself.
The last two weeks in South Africa we went into the townships with Beam Africa and worked with a group of young adults (ages of 19-30) in a class called Life Skills. We sat in and actually gained some life skills ourselves. Life Skills is an opportunity for the people of Mamelodi to understand the world outside of the township. For them to learn skills to gain knowledge for job interviews and the workplace.
My first month wasn’t a month filled with stories or miracles, but a month filled with self realization and self growth and ultimately, self love. My relationship with the Lord grew in more ways than I imagined it would in the first month. Month one was also a place for me to simply dwell within the Lord to be able to abide in him. To sit and see what he wants me to see within myself and to find rest in him while he was busy working within me. This month showed me more love from the Lord, His love is never ending and always with a purpose. Month one was hard, I had a lot of walls come tumbling down and also new walls being built. I had my eyes opened to things unseen. We are all on a race, for me I’m on a race of facing my walls and constantly waiting for them to be broken. One thing I know is true is we can not run the race alone.
Theres so many things I could talk about and theres so many things the Lord is doing within myself and my team. I started this blog with a different idea but these are the words I felt led to share. This past month I tried my best to stay away from social media, my phone, and blogging. I’m glad I did, doing so opened up room for my relationship with the Lord to flourish and work in his miraculous ways. Thank you for all your support and constant prayer. Im excited for Botswana and all the Lord has for us. We are working with a church called Kingdom City. They have been a church here for five months. There are also Kingdom City churches in Malaysia, Cambodia, Singapore, Australia and now in Gaborone, Botswana. More to come about Botswana soon!
