I’ve been struggling with blogging obviously. But I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided that I’m going to post a blog each week. They will just be shorter blogs explaining what God has done each week. I find that it will be easier to update you all that way than me trying to do bigger blogs over a longer spans of time.
I have been a huge procrastinator on doing these blogs and I’ve realized I have never told you guys about last month. Here I am about to finish my second month and I’ve never done anything with last month so I have quite a bit of catching up to do! So here we go!!
Starting off the world race was a lot harder than I was expecting it to be. I figured I would get off that plane and feel completely energized and ready to go change people’s lives. I wanted to do something huge and I was excited. I stepped off that plane and was quickly hit with fear. Wondering why in the world God had called me to this trip. I’m gone for 11 months. This is it. I’m in Africa there really is no turing back now. Oh man, what did I do? My fear was getting stronger on the drive to Beam House (where my team stayed for the month.) Arriving to our house I walked in and wanted nothing more than to have my family magically standing there greeting me. How am I going to go 11 months with out seeing them? With out hugging them? What if my friends move away when I’m gone and I lose contact with them? All of these questions were rolling through my mind.
Our first week went a lot differently than my team had planed in our minds. We left the states thinking that we where going to be working with orphans and foster children and where told that we where going to be weeding the gardens outside. Wait…what? What about the kids? Where are they in this picture? This isn’t right! My attitude was turning into selfishness my thoughts where all about me. I came here to work with kids not weed gardens.
I was struggling. Ministry wasn’t going like I had planed and I was wrestling with God for a while.
My team was struggling to get along as we where all trying to adjust to living with 6 other girls and always being around them 24/7 sharing a room and a bathroom together. Working together on the gardens. Having meals together and living in a gated property we all felt stuck. We can’t get away from each other this month was going to be long…it’s day 2 and there is already tension.
I’m a fixer. I don’t like conflict. When there is conflict I just want to patch everything up and call it good. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t always fix the issues and I hated it. I want everyone to get along and be one big happy family. My thoughts where in one big huge whirlwind for days. I didn’t feel myself. I was quiet and reserved. My team doesn’t know me. They don’t know how I work. I can’t be myself because what if they think that I’m weird? What if they don’t like who I am? I’m pretty sure I said maybe 15 words to them for the first 4 days which pretty much consisted of “good mornings” and “good nights”.
God was teaching me a lot through all of this. But I was still learning what the conclusion was. Why is he making my first week so hard?
We went into the second week feeling pretty drained. All of our emotions had been all over the place. But God was there. He was there in the whirlwind of thoughts.
I had a night where I couldn’t sleep. African homes don’t have air conditioning we didn’t have a ceiling fan in our room and our windows has to be closed at night so that snakes and rats wouldn’t come in so we where all trying to adjust the the African heat. I was laying there thinking about our first week here on the race and God quickly showed me how my attitude was not the best. I was constantly complaining. Not out loud but my thoughts definitely where. Sure maybe this wasn’t what I was expecting our month to be but it was how it was. So I started to try and see the good in what we where doing. Weeding might not be the most exciting thing to do especially in 90 degree weather. But there was good in it. Our hosts didn’t have the time to be able to do all of this weeding. There are 7 of us and it has already taken us a few days to Finnish one garden yet alone the rest of the property. I couldn’t imagine how much time it would take with just 2 people. It would never get done. What we where doing for them was such a huge blessing. I could see their appreciation as I opened myself up to see what was really going on. God was starting to show me that the race isn’t about me and my experience. It’s not about how many kids I can reach out to. It’s not about me.
After we finished the weeding our ministry hosts told us that we where going to be filling trenches that where outside of our house and putting in a water line. That was a lot of fun!! I never had laid a water line before. But our host Louis helped us out and we where able to help out with that for a few days! After we did the trenches we had the opportunity to go into a township called Mamelodi. They began to tell us more about Beam Africa. This was the ministry they had started up back in 2006. We arrived into Mamelodi and saw the most amount of poverty I had ever seen before. People actually live like this?
Part of the ministry for Bean Africa is feeding kids every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That day we where told that we where going to be doing home visits. So off we went. We walked about a mile into part of the slums in Mamelodi. These people lived in shacks. These aren’t even real homes. Garbage was piled on the streets kids where running around with no shoes on in the gross mud. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I felt like I shouldn’t be walking through there. I felt so out of place. People where staring. We arrived at our first home and sat down with the family. We talked to the parents about their kids home lives. I was talking to the mom and she said “we are so grateful for what you guys do. We can’t always feed our son everyday. Thank you so much.” I was trying to wrap my mind around what I was hearing. As we continued to talk to them we found out that they where believers. I could see true joy on these peoples faces. They might not have much but they still rejoice and praise God for what they have. These home visits where opening my eyes to see what it really means to have true joy from the Lord. These people are even happier than I was and I can eat everyday. I have an amazing huge home to go back to. These people have nothing and yet they seem like they have this love and joy as if they have everything. I was amazed.
My heart was opened to see what it looked like to really find your joy in the Lord. It was opened to see what it really looked like to live selflessly. They don’t complain about what they don’t have. They are just happy with what they do have. I have met some of the most gracious people through out my time in Mamelodi than I have in my whole life.
We have food to kids every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for the rest of our month. I loved seeing these kids joy! They would come walking in with beaming faces everyday! We played games, they played with my hair I have never had anyone so fascinated by my hair before. “It’s so soft!” They would tell me everyday. They where hilarious! They would climb all over me as if I was a jungle gym. They had a blast! After playing with them for about 2 hours they where served dinner. Most of them that was their only meal for the day. Some of these kids where coming from abusive home lives which was hard to hear about. These kids lives where so hard and yet they would laugh and play. This was like a little break from their crazy lives. Leaving them at the end of the month was so hard. Knowing that most of them would just be stuck there in Mamelodi for their whole life. Stuck in poverty.
The last week of our month we also worked with another part of Beam Africa which reached out to 10-35 year olds. We held a 8 day class that was every Monday-Friday from 8:30-1:00. It was called life skill classes. Everyday had a new topic. Some of them where Math, HIV, and finding Gods purpose in your life. There where 3 people that accepted Christ through the classes which was awesome. We weren’t there for their last two days because we had to leave but I knew God was doing great things through these men and women. I got to hear some of their stories which was cool to hear about their backgrounds and where they come from.
God was doing a lot last month. There are still parts that I am processing through even now. I know I just told you all a whole bunch of stuff. So if you have questions feel free to email me at [email protected], Facebook message me, or leave a comment on here! I love you all! Thanks so much for your prayers and I promise I will try and be better at blogging!!
