I just got back from a week and a half of training camp in Gainesville, Georgia. Ten days doesn’t really sound like a long enough period of time to prepare for nine months of mission work, but I’ve never felt more physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually exhausted as I did during these ten days. They were full of discomfort, weird food, growth, crying, dance parties, midnight worship, my 51 squad mates and sisters in Christ, and lots and lots of Jesus.
In these ten days I
– Let a friend cut my hair in the middle of the night using a headlamp. Shout out to Evie for not messing up my hair!!!!
– Showered with a bucket and measuring cup
– Slept on concrete a couple of times by choice
– Cooked dinner with other squad mates over a fire. In the rain. While holding tarps over it. (It was one of the best meals we had the whole time.)
– Went to the doctor 8 out of the 10 days because of a corneal ulcer. The doctor said the ulcer could’ve taken my vision completely and used scary words such as “eye rupturing” and “corneal transplant”, but God is forever good and He heals. (also went to CVS to pick up prescriptions so often that they had my birthday memorized by the last trip)
– Ate a meal on the floor during African day. Also used my hands to eat. Also was served crickets for breakfast and cow stomach for lunch one day. Also didn’t eat that day.
I could go on and on about the weird things I experienced during training camp. Through all the weird sleeping scenarios, bug bites, not so familiar food, and being hot and tired 98% of the time God was present. I was so uncomfortable majority of the time and all I really could do was lean on God. I’m still processing the things that were brought into the light but man, God really spoke.
Following Jesus was never supposed to be easy. He will call you into death and pain in order to live. You have to leave things behind in order to follow Him and it’s hard. I learned that if you create space God will fill it. To make disciples you must allow the change AND THEN go into the world and replicate that change. How can I expect to teach people about the love of Christ if I’m not allowing myself to accept His love? If you view yourself unworthy of love you simply will not receive it. If you don’t receive it, you can’t go share it with others. You can’t give people what you don’t have. Training camp made me realize it’s time to forget about my own and the world’s perspective and take on God’s perspective. We are not only called to receive, but also to give. Something God really showed me was how important forgiveness is. You have to allow forgiveness to soak into your heart in order to see change. I’ve always looked at it like ‘if they’re not sorry, why should I forgive’ and that is not what forgiveness is about. It’s about giving it to God and laying it at His feet. It’s not saying that what they did was okay, but that you trust God to be the judge. If you don’t forgive you are refusing to let Jesus come in and heal. The speaker kept saying over and over again how if you don’t forgive, you’re carrying all that bitterness and hurt around with you and I started realizing how much easier it would be to just let go and give it to God. There may have been people with “I love you” coming out of their mouth who turned around and hurt you, so know that His love is the only trustworthy love and live in it. That’s walking in freedom.
Up until this past week I’ve always felt like I’ve had to cover up my sins and mistakes to be a Christian. If people don’t know about my sins or I act like past mistakes didn’t happen I can act like I don’t live a messy life and I can act like I have it all together. Nobody has it all together, and it’s silly to even pretend like we do. I’ve realized being a Christian doesn’t mean I’m perfect, it means I accept that I’m not and realize how much I need God. God will only heal what you confess to Him.
I want to be set free from all my sins and walk in forgiveness. I want to stop associating myself with secondhand purity and accept that God is offering the real thing. He doesn’t see me as used or dirty, but as whole and pure. I am a daughter of God and I am made new in His image. He has huge things in store for I Squad and I am so so excited to share what He does through us.
SIDE NOTE: Cambodia was added to our route!!!!!! That means that in October we will be going to Cambodia first for one month, Thailand for two, Malawi for three and Guatemala for three. Please pray for my squad as we prepare to leave in these next 6 weeks!!!
Lots of love, Taylor
