When I first started to write this bog, I thought it was going to be about how I believed God would heal me from my anxiety disorder. I wanted to encourage people to wait and believe that He will heal them too. I could only get a few sentences down before I realized that wasn’t really what I wanted to talk about. I realized there is something way more important I wanted to talk to you about.
I was going to write about not if He heals you, but when He heals you. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe that God is going to heal me. As I locked myself in the bathroom and ugly cried out to the Lord that I was afraid, He told me it isn’t if He heals me, but when. However, the more I thought about it, I realized it wouldn’t be fair to write about that. It wouldn’t be fair to share that story, knowing some people never get healed. So I started thinking about why.
I went to breakfast a week ago with a friend and we were talking about the healing we hope God is going to do in our lives. She wants healing in her back, I want my anxiety to be taken away. Over the best breakfast I have had on the race, she asked me an important question. Do I believe God is still good even if He chooses not to heal me? I sat there for a moment and thought about it.
I thought about dealing with anxiety attacks for the rest of my life. I thought about that crushing weight on my chest for the rest of my life. I thought of the heartbeats so fast it feels like my chest is going to explode for the rest of my life. I thought about the terrifying feeling that I can’t breathe for the rest of my life. I thought about my insomnia and restless nights for the rest of my life. I thought about all of this and came to one conclusion. He is still good.
If God chooses not to heal me, I won’t be mad. I won’t turn from Him. I won’t lie down and give up. I will continue to fight everyday, knowing that He is fighting with me. Exodus 14:14 says “The LORD will fight for you, you need only to be still.” If this means that my way of fighting is just to sit and pray and repeat verses over and over until the anxiety leaves, I will do that. I know that He is still good; even if I have anxiety attacks everyday for the rest of my life.
Psalm 84:11 says, “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” I know that the Lord won’t withhold anything good from me. If He chooses not to heal me, I know that it isn’t a punishment or that He isn’t listening to me. Maybe it is His way of keeping me close to him. Because of my anxiety, I am in constant communication with Him. I would like to think even if I didn’t have an anxiety disorder that I would still keep in constant communication with Him, but I trust that God knows better than I do.
My point in sharing all of this with you is really simple. If you have asked God for healing and He hasn’t given it to you, I want you to know that He is still good. He hears you. He isn’t ignoring you. He won’t withhold anything good from you. He loves you. He wants you. Whatever it is that you are asking healing from, whether it is pain, heartache, addiction, past failures, whatever it is, allow Him to work in it. His way of healing might look different than what you expected, but always believe that He is still good.
