It’s time to be open and honest. Let’s have a real, genuine conversation about a topic people aren’t talking enough about. Lets get uncomfortable.
Lets talk about anxiety.
It’s real. It’s ugly. And it affects 40 million adults in the United States alone.
Are we doing enough to help? Is the church reaching out and throwing people a lifeline? Are we doing a good enough job of supporting those with some type of mental illness?
Why is it looked down on? Why do we treat people with anxiety or depression differently? They aren’t a fragile piece of glass. They aren’t going to break if we look at them wrong. I know, because I am one of them.
I have an anxiety disorder. My heart beats crazy fast. I feel like I can’t breathe. I get hot. I get shaky. I shut down. It took me years to find out that anxiety was the root of it. I never made the connection, and once I did, I immediatly felt shame. I didn’t want to be one of those people that had to take medication to feel normal. I didn’t want to walk through life with that title.
It has been a few months since I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Every night I take medication to help me sleep and control my anxiety attacks. Then one night while in Swaziland, God told me I didn’t need my medication. I shrugged it off. I figured it was something I could think about and pray about, but it wasn’t something I was ready to deal with.
That was month two. It is now month four, and I’m slowly getting off my medication. The Lord has continued to work in my heart and encourage me to take this giant leap of faith. So, instead of taking a whole pill, I take half. Slowly, I’m working my way to not taking it at all. It’s been ugly. Ask my team. They watched me ugly cry at my frustration. They’ve seen me lay in bed when I first wake up because my heart rate is so high I feel like I can’t move. They’ve seen me leave a restaurant because I feel like I can’t breathe.
They’ve seen me struggle, but they remind me everyday this is a battle I can win. I can win because I was called by my heavenly Father to do this. Please hear me. I am in no way saying everyone should get off their medication. In my heart, I know that this is what the Lord has called me to do, but I don’t think that everyone with a mental illness is asked to do this.
Everyday, I have to choose to go to war. I have to suit up. I have to mentally prepare myself to get through the day. It’s hard. Honestly, it sucks. But friend, if you have anxiety, whether you are taking medication or not, you have this choice too. You can lean into the Father and ask Him to help you through it. Medication can’t stop every attack, and it won’t. So when it comes, what are you going to do? Are you going to lie down and let it happen or are you going to fight?
Choose to fight. Go in a room, and scream out to God. Seriously. Do it. When I feel an anxiety attack now, I don’t go hide in a dark room until it is over. I stand up. I pace back and forth, and shout Psalms 69:16-17 over and over again until I can breathe again.
“Answer me, Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;
answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.”
I pace the room. I weep for the Lord to deliver me from this attack of the enemy. I ugly cry until nothing will come out. I repeat these verses over and over again until my heart rate goes back to normal, and I can breathe again. I pace and shout to the Lord until the weight is lifted off of my chest. Sometimes it takes five minutes. Sometimes it takes an hour. But not once has the Lord let me suffer alone. Not once, has he ignored my cry. Every time, I hear a soft whisper, feel a faint touch, and I know that He is in that room, pacing with me.
He wants to pace with you too. Can I tell you, sweet friend, that you are so loved. There is nothing wrong with you. He didn’t mess up when he created you, just because you are suffering from a mental illness. You are not defected. You aren’t alone in this, and don’t think for a second that you are. Your friends, your family, will love you, no matter what the enemy tries to tell you. They want to walk through this with you. I want to walk through it with you too. Whether I know you or not, whether we have talked before or not, don’t be afraid to reach out. Lets walk through this together. Lets cry out to the Lord together. Lets pace together. Lets suit up for battle together.
Love,
Tay
**Verses to help calm your heart.
- Psalm 38:21-22: Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God. Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.
- Psalm 40:1-3: I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.
- Psalm 42:8: By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life.
- Psalm 77:16-20: The waters saw you, God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. The clouds poured down water, the heavens resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
