For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom and a wife. I wanted the picture perfect family. An amazing husband that loves me but loves God more, a whole fleet of children, a couple dogs, and a beautiful home. I pictured myself being the best mom, and taking all of my kids to practice and school and having family game nights. I pictured my husband balancing an amazing career that he loves and quality family time. I told myself if I have that, I’d be okay. I won’t struggle. I won’t go without. I will finally be loved the way I have always wanted to.
As I got older, I still desired this. I thought if I found the right guy, the rest of my life would just fall into place. I came into the race still hoping I would find this, but decided I needed a year away from home serving the Lord to work on myself so that when I got home I would be worthy of love.
If you are reading this and think I am absolutely crazy, it’s okay. My mind was completely warped on what relationships look like. But, I did find the right guy. His name is Jesus, and he loves me so well. He takes me as I am. He doesn’t care if my hair looks perfect and my makeup is flawless. He doesn’t care if I have worn the same clothes three days in a row because doing laundry on the race is a bit iffy. He doesn’t care about any of that. He just wants my heart. To him, I am beautiful. To him, I am worthy of love. Can I tell you something, friend? If you haven’t met this man, you need to. Because here is the best part, as much as he loves me, he loves you that much too. He thinks you are beautiful without perfect hair and flawless makeup. He doesn’t care if you have worn the same clothes three days in a row or if you look like you belong in Vogue. He jut wants you. Let that sink in. He doesn’t care about what you have done in the past, or what you will do in the future. He doesn’t care about any of it. He wants your heart.
A couple of days ago, one of our squad leaders was talking about things that we need to give up to Jesus. She started listing examples, but when she said for most of us, that is marriage, I knew I needed to get alone with Jesus and talk with him. So, I did. I told him I was sorry that for so long I desired an earthly relationship more than I desired my heavenly one. I sat at his feet, and laid down my desires of my picture perfect family. I told him he could have it, that I would be okay if it never happened. Here’s the thing, I actually believe that.
If I never have the Pinterest worthy wedding, He is still good. If I never have a husband that loves me, He is still good. If I never have children, He is still good. If I never have that picture perfect family, He is still good. He still loves me. He still wants me. He still desires a relationship with me. Romans 8:38-39 says “ I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
If that doesn’t make you want to scream “Hallelujah!” then read it again. How amazing is that? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. I don’t know many earthly relationships that can say that. We are human, so we struggle. We hurt each other’s feelings. We say things we shouldn’t. We push people away. But with God, we can’t do that. We can’t push him away. He will always be waiting for you. This blows my mind.
I found the perfect man, and he loves me well. He wants to love you well, too. He wants a relationship with you. Give him that thing that you are holding so tightly too. Maybe you are like me, and it is marriage. Maybe it’s a degree from a well-known university, or a career that makes you rich. Whatever it is, get alone with Jesus and give it to him. Let him prove to you that He is still good even if you never get it. It’s a dangerous prayer. He might actually take it, and never give it back. He may never give me the opportunity to be a mom or a wife. But it is so worth it to trust him anyway. I believe He is good, even if I never have those things. Do you?
