I’ve tried over and over to write a blog about the beauty of leaving, but the truth is that it is real ugly. It’s hard, it’s straining and stressful and heartbreaking and worth it. This is worth it. God would not lead me to this brokenness without a purpose. This is the point where God has brought me to understand his peace in a way I never have before. Im heading into the most difficult year of my life ahead, understand that the Holy Spirit and His peace and comfort are crucial. And to get to this point of unending peace I have to learn how to leave first.
I praise my God for getting me to this very spot. For providing more funding than I need or deserve, for grace upon grace as I melt down because of so many little things that ultimately mean nothing. For loving me in my brokenness and still telling me to press on because out there is where I will find Him, where I will find myself. Im going in the name of a God of greatness and glory, worthy of honor and all praise. Knowing this makes the leaving so much easier. Saying goodbye to my sister and my bed and my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, my acrylic paint, my art studio and my dogs and my car and my best friend. Saying goodbye to all that I knew for a love that I know. I will trade all these comforts for the comfort that comes from the Lord. I will lose my life to find it again, may every day that I long for earthly comforts be consumed by the overwhelming comfort of the Father. In the end the leaving is the finding.
Oh Beloved,
take me.
Liberate my soul.
Fill me with your love and
release me from the two worlds.
If I set my heart on anything but you
let fire burn me from inside.
Oh Beloved,
take away what I want.
Take away what I do.
Take away what I need.
Take away everything
that takes me from you.
-Rumi
