This week was a wake up call. A call to being still. On Monday, my pastor preached a message about being where you’re at, and valuing the season you’re are in. All my life I’ve always been the one to wish I was somewhere else. I’m the dreamer. Which I know is not always a bad thing, it’s what keeps me going, what pushes me forward into the unknown of what God has for me. But lately with fundraising in full swing on top of senior year and working, I’ve lost touch with the present, always working for the future. Being a senior kind of causes a culture of future thinkers too, people constantly asking what I’m doing after high school, me taking that as an opportunity to explain this beautiful organization and this beautiful journey I’m on, just praying they won’t think less of me because I’m not taking the usual college route right now. I wake up every day unenthusiastic of what that day may hold because I’m already excited for a day that’s not even near.
But on Tuesday morning I woke up to a letter in the mail I wrote myself in seventh grade. Six years later, reading that letter I realized I am doing exactly what I wanted to be doing at this time, six years ago. I am in the place I always wished to be, and now that I’m here I only want to be someone else, somewhere further. As I read that letter tears streamed down because I realized just how little I’ve been valuing the life I have right now. The lessons God is so desperately trying to teach me so I can be ready for where He wants me. I was awoken to the reality that I can’t be where I want to be without learning first what God needs me to learn before I get there.
The rest of this week was spent looking for the lessons. Being still in the moments with my teachers, my friends, my family. Taking in every experience in prayer as I pray to God that he shows me the lesson in that guy cutting me off on the freeway and the long nights working on orders that need to be shipped out by Friday when it was Thursday. The hard moments that I constantly give Satan credit for when God was there too, all along, teaching me His wisdom and patience. Since then I’ve been getting the hang of loving where I’m at as I live in the here and now, and friends, it’s been beautiful.
On Friday night God used my dad to speak encouragement and wisdom into me so honestly and lovingly. My Dad understood my vision for my future, he spoke truth over my life for the moments I’ve been so desperately longing for. Encouragement to keep going, to fight for what I believe, to be patient for the rain and to soak in the sun while its here, reminding me that these days are bright and I’m not alone in them.
Friday night was a spark to my dulling flame that God knew I needed. I believe that God had seen how he had caught my attention, and because of the way I’ve learned to value these current blessings, He knew I was ready for more. And he gave me so much more than I could ever expect or hope for, as he usually does.
I’m asking friends, that you pray for my heart. That I remember to dance in the sun and the rain, and pray for the here and now as much as I pray for the future. This journey is not easy, it’s testing my patience and Satan is clearly trying to take down the work that God is doing through me and he’s almost succeeded. But I won’t give up hope that this is where I’m suppose to be. Right here, right now, in this season of late nights and overwhelming schedules, He will provide not only financially but spiritually as well. Pray for my here and now, because it’s the only place God gave me until I get to the dreams he’s preparing for me.
