Let me just begin by saying this. God is our provider.
This past week, I lost my favorite nanny job. I was devastated. I was confused. I was so unsure of why God would allow my only source of income to be taken from me while I’m in such a desperate state financially because of the large amount of money I need to raise. I was broken, the next day I walked around hurt and confused.
This job was hard. It was demanding, and it challenged my commitment and patience, which I was led to believe was a good thing, I told myself that I was just building my character and learning how to “stick with it.” But that could not have been farther from the truth. Yes, I loved this job. It was comfortable, it was reliable, it was an chance to be a Godly influence on a sweet girl whom I love. But it was not healthy, and it only brought me deeper into anxiety because of the fear of losing it, and how much I tried to control it all. Satan was able to take such an awesome opportunity and turn it into something that burdened my heart and soul in ways I should not have been feeling. But the lies he continued to feed me seemed so genuine. I do believe God gave me that job as a nanny in order to use me to pour into the sweet girl he had entrusted me with, but Satan quickly took over, and I needed to find freedom from that comfort that was destroying me.
I’ve learned that being comfortable is not a calling from God. It is not something we should long for. I received a letter in the mail this week from a friend that ended in “keep running towards your fears.” Being let go from my only source of income was definitely not comfortable, and certainly created fear. And I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to feel comfortable and be back into the routine that I had been living in for over a year.
On my way to my first job interview this week, I heard God’s voice repeat over and over “the ways of the wicked will not prevail.” And honestly I was so confused my that. I was on my way to an amazing job opportunity that God had given, full of joy and freedom and excitement for what’s ahead. While I was driving, I had received a text asking for me to come back to my nanny job with a pretty tempting offer. And then I realized that it Satan was tempting me. Calling me back into the comfort of consistency, taking away my joy and boxing me back into the position of anxiety.
But God. God is always greater than our plans, and so much bigger than our fears. He is our provider, our Jehovah Jireh, whether we see it or not. He did not allow my job to be taken from me by Satan, but I am fully convinced that he himself took my job away from me in order to force me to rely on him even more. Since that day, I have never felt more free. God has used person after person, believer and non-believer to speak life into my soul. To speak truth into my reality that our God is great, our God does not forget his children. His faithfulness stretches beyond our imagination and his provision multiplies with our faithfulness. My anxiety of over four years has been lifted, and though I do not know what my next source of income will be, I have complete confidence that the Lord will provide, simply because he likes to bless his children. Trusting the holy spirit is something so beautiful, and can be so scary when your faith is small. But the lord will grow our faith until it blooms into the plans he has for us, stepping out into the unknown both figuratively and literally.
After lots of prayer and wise advice that clearly has come from the lord, I’ve been overwhelmed with peace knowing that there is something beautiful waiting for me. Wether that be a consistent flow of income, or sporadic blessings through babysitting and whatever else God gives me, I am choosing to be uncomfortable in order to glorify my God. He is pushing me through the fear and towards his blessings. I will not succumb beneath the comfort of familiarity, but rather I will continue to live in this new freedom of trust in who God says he is, believing that greater things are coming, I only need to remain faithful to his promise. I’ve witnessed God’s provision in so many ways, in so many lives. And now, as I rest in the same position of faith and trust, I meditate on the African songs sung by the children who pulled my heart deeper proclaiming:
“Jehovah turns my life around
Jehovah turns my life around
He makes a way
When there is not way
Jehovah has the final say”
Please join me in believing that our God is greater than the comfort of our routine. We are called to be radical believers in his power. I don’t know where $10,000 is coming from, I don’t even know how I’m going to pay for my next $20 tank of gas. But I do know this, I know that Jesus will make a way. He makes a way when there is no way.
