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i need to send this to someone
“I wasn’t a real Christian” or “they weren’t really Christian’s”. I have heard this phrase so many times in conversations the last few weeks. What does that even mean? Of course it all means something so different from person to person.
While at training camp I learned that I am a rule follower when it comes to my relationship with God, like the older oldest son in the story of “The Parable of the Prodigal Son”. I have tried to earn God’s love through acting a certain way or doing anything that might make him love me. Often flipping back and forth between the son who took half of his father’s inheritance and squandered it away, or working as hard as I could to earn His love. Either way it comes down to feeling estranged from my Father.
I begun to question
the intimacy and relationship with God, where I want to be with God, and how to fix it. Though fixing it is so simple and easy to fix, but as always I am always standing in the way. For the last month and a half I have believed that how my relationship with God is, is a direct reflection on how my relationship with people are…when in fact I think it’s the other way around. I have put God into a box. I have allowed my relationship with people be a direct reflection of how my relationship with God is going.
I am at Child Voice International in Lukodi, Uganda. Where we are spending time with the woman and children affected by Alice’s holy spirit war & Kony and the L.R.A. My group and I spent time relaxing with this evening before worship. The women were all sitting watching the women peeling ground nuts. There was a little girl around the age of three sitting
on her mother’s lap. She kept looking at me, when I would smile she would get the biggest smile. She would take a few steps towards me, we would smile at each other again, and she would run back to the safety and comfort of her mother. This happened over and over again for fifteen minutes, each time she kept getting a little closer until she was within arm’s reach away. That is as close as she would come to me tonight before worship started. This is exactly how I have been with God. I know when smiles at me, I cannot help but smile back. I can trust Him enough to come close,but haven’t been able to trust Him enough to hold me in His arms. I am pushing and searching for an intimate and personal relationship with Him.
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