My son Noah and I April of 2014
I have been struggling through out March, for many reasons. March is a time of celebration and pain. I had my beautiful and healthy son Noah on March 13th, 2013 at 11:02pm, with my family, and another couple by my side. God had placed the most amazing family I could have ever asked for, to be the parents of my son. March is a time where I am so happy to still be apart of his life despite the distance between us. It is also a time of sadness where I relive where I was at two years ago and all of the decisions and circumstances I faced. At times wishing I had been where I am now when I had my son, but God had a much bigger plan for Noah and I’s life. I quickly realized that Noah is exactly where he was meant to be, and he has completed the missing piece in his new family’s life. I believe that God provided my son with the parents that would be able to give him everything and more that he would ever need. I am so blessed that my adoptive family keep me in the loop, updates me with pictures, the occasional video, and tidbits as to who he is as a growing little boy.
I have been reading a devotional called Seeking a Heart like His, Lessons from David by Beth Moore. It made getting locked out of my house for almost an hour completely worth it. I had been praying about needing to set aside time devoted to studying and reading the word. Thankfully, God sure has a since of humor. I had two different devotionals in my purse (I have been carrying around in my purse for the last two months and have never picked them, and a nearly dead cell phone). I thought to myself “alright God, you win… I’ll spend this time with you”. I could not have been happier with the results. I had to have highlighted at least a third of each page, or have written in my notebook things that I could not forget. As I was reading, I stumbled upon the verse Romans 8:32 “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all — how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”. It had all finally clicked, I finally understood the sacrifice. God had given his only son to us as the sacrifice. I knew a very small fraction of the pain that God had giving up his son.
I then felt the need to flip to a different devotional book called Passion with a Purpose- 40 Days with God. I just flipped it to a random page, (which happened to be day 13 – 13 being my lucky number) and it said. “When human hands fastened the divine hands to a cross with spikes, it wasn’t the soldiers who held the hands of Jesus steady. It was God who held them steady. Those same hands that formed the oceans and built the mountains. Those same hands that designed the dawn and crafted each cloud. Those same hands that blueprinted one incredible plan for you and me” I was imagining what it would be like, and the strength it took God to be able to hold his child down as he is in pain. My God is strong! He knew the sacrifice that he would have to make to save all of humanity for generations to come. Then they knocked it out of the park with, “God would give up his only Son before he’d give up on you “.
He loved getting kisses, he just laughed and laughed and laughed.
He is such a handsome, happy, and loving boy.
God loves you and I so, so, so much. Just being able to realize how much love God has for you and I. The pain and sacrifice of when God called Gabriel to deliver the good news to Mary that she would give birth to a son, and he would be the Son of the Most High. God knew what he would have to do even before Jesus was conceived. The love that he has is so amazing.
Think about your child, would you be able to sacrifice your own child to save humanity?
