Here I am sitting in “Coffee and Cream”, this cute little coffee shop in Lakeside Ohio, I should be having the time of my life. I have been waiting for this week since LAST June. I have been coming here almost every June for the last eleven years
So what is the problem?
Its raining — and has been all day.
I’m so concerned about fundraising
None of my friends that I really hang out with is here.
I feel so far from God, like I’m not even on the same planet as him.
I thought Lakeside would still be Lakeside without the people I spend it with.
It is still lakeside – but it isn’t the same. Everyone still goes and gets pizza at Sloopys, or getting ice cream at the end of the night everyone is still standing on the corner and overflowing into the streets.
But it isn’t the things you do which you are here. Its about the community, the love, the joy, the fellowship with those people, simply put its all about LOVE. It’s the one time a week where you are supposed to live carefree, watch sunrises, laugh, accidently falling asleep and wake up sun burnt on the pier, walking around town, and then walking some more — to the point you don’t want to walk anymore.
Lakeside, it is still one of my favorite places. It is where I go to reconnect with God and become centered again. I know that God has some plan for why all of my friends who are normally here aren’t. I have to accept that.
But it just reminds me — that I need to trust God. That he is working on me and through me.
What have I learned in the first 22 hours?
I am staying with my mom in the Hispanic house – there is this one family there with two kids that I was playing the triangle peg game with a four year old girl named Isabella and a 7 year old boy named Andrew last night. I had mentioned that none of my friends were here. Isabella says yes you do, we are your friends. Oh, the honesty of a four year old. Then this morning I hear a little knock over and over again and little Isabella saying my name over and over again. As soon as I respond, she runs in and jumps onto my pullout couch with the triangle peg game that we were playing the night before. Her brother comes running in and joins in on playing this game.
I have friends, even if they aren’t what I expected as friends. They are someone that has brought so much love, honesty, joy, and learning from. I cannot wait to continue our relationship until we both leave on Wednesday.
Being alone is WONDERFUL, I can try to find and listen to what God is trying to show me, I can focus on myself and building and refilling my own cup.
I don’t have to be busy, busy, and working constantly, being able to relax is such a joy.
I am in the process of writing two letters to two separate people asking for forgiveness and apologizing to different people. Both being people I haven’t talked to in a long time. God has been placing these people and writing to them over and over again, I am justnow getting to it. I need to ask forgiveness of other people, which is just a baby step for asking God for forgiveness.
I struggle with letting people in and being vulnerable. I have finally started making friends and allowing complete strangers into my little emotional bubble. I have always told myself, God wherever and whenever you want me to go on the world race I will go. “This is your idea, your plan, and you will provide me with the support I need”. But now that I have begun building relationships with people on my squad I am starting to think “God I really want to go in September, I have started to build relationships, I LOVE the route I am going on, please help me gain support”. I’m trying to be okay with the possible let down, but still trusting God. We are getting so close and I have no idea on how I will be able to pay for everything I need and getting to $16,267. I’m finally letting things out about anger I have towards God, or possible anger. I’m not allowing the world race be about him, I’m being selfish and making this trip about me… which is no wonder why I haven’t gotten support because I am not glorifying him!
God will provide, when he needs to provide. I just HAVE to trust him, be patient. It is all on His time because this is about Him!
I need to work on trusting Gods plan, he has brought me through so much, has taught me, and helped me grow so much since being accepted on the race.
Lakeside in 2010
Even if this year isn’t my favorite year like the pictures above, I know that God is present in my life. He will make this trip exactly what He needs it to be for me.
