This is a three part series of my testimony. I have learned the power of vulnerability and the impact my story has over these last 8 months. The blog title came from So Worth Loving, a company dedicated to making clothing that reminds you of how worthy you are. There is a tour currently underway where they are traveling throughout the U.S. helping others to “embrace the freedom to be” themselves.
She tried so hard to stay true to her purest self.
She tried to deny any urges to be just like every other girl.
The notion that she had to have a boyfriend, take a sip of alcohol, experiment with drugs or sneak up to a mountain house.
Then it became too much.
"Are you a lesbian?"
"Why won't you just try it?"
"Stop studying so much. Come hang out with us. Come away to the lake."
She resisted the feeling of being left out.
She stayed at home alone on Saturday nights. She accepted the lifestyle of being different- trying to not do the same thing.
But the seclusion turned to resentment and she just gave up.
She gave in.
One boy turned into two- and two to five. And five to some number she cannot remember. Nor does she want to.
She was proud. She finally fit in.
She had something to talk to all the girls about. She was experienced.
But she was broken. She wanted more.
And then she became numb. The desire was normal. The desire to feel loved for a few hours. Then forgotten.
—
I wasn't any different.
I wasn't any different than all the others.
Why did I let myself go? Why did I keep searching for true love?
"I can be the one. I can be the girl that shows him that I'm different."
It was too late. He already won.
—
There my reputation went.
Ruined. Stained. Ugly.
How would I cover this mess up?
