"… One day she’ll feel the pressure to be good enough, to be holy enough, to be quiet enough, or wise enough, or all the 'enoughs' that fill our head & make us neurotic about who we are & how we should live. The 'enoughs' make me tired.
… Because in all the 'enoughs' we begin to lose ourselves in order to be something else, something better, something expected. So far from who we really are that when we fall apart, we just give up. We stop trying. We think, 'why bother, I will never change.'
And the lie sinks in deep & we believe it for so long, & man it hurts.
But here comes the upside, the so unbelievably bright side: when you are just done, & broken, & tired, you've made it.
… When you are broken enough & tired enough & angry enough that you just can’t mold yourself, fix yourself, do better, be better, when you are just done, grace is lavished on you like nothing you’ve ever experienced.
The world opens up & humility surrounds you & compassion overtakes you because you realize that life is just so hard. And everyone is facing a hard battle. And instead of trying to be kind, you just become kind.
And you become grace to others.
Because that’s what the Spirit does in a broken beautiful one: He does the work, you just accept the molding.
… And when you realize how much you can’t change yourself, you can see others as broken beautiful ones as well who are just trying to make it through this hard life, & you just want to love them & nod your head at them & say, 'I know, I know. And I love you just the same.'"
-Ann Voskamp
I had no idea I would be experiencing brokenness at the end of my World Race.
“God, didn’t I put that aside? Didn’t I experience that confusion, loneliness, and exhaustion already?”
He said,
“Tayler, you will go through brokenness many times throughout the rest of your life. I am made strong in your weakness. I want this for you. I want you to realize how much you are in need of me and my saving grace.”
—
I want to let you in on what I’m going through right now.
I’m being weighed down. Like I’m sitting under the ocean trying to hold it up.
Trying so hard to not let anyone know I am about to break. Trying to maintain this perfect, cookie cutter image. Trying to look pristine for my teammates and whom I’m ministering to and to everyone back home.
I knew following Jesus was not an easy lifestyle. It would come with a cost.
I am realizing that the price is hefty. Specifically I am learning the price that comes with community, the body of Christ.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another”.
Our team participates in feedback each day. We intentionally call each other up into the person God wants us to be. We say the hard things and the super encouraging things. It is beautiful and sometimes messy. I have left many of these feedback sessions feeling exhausted because it seems like my teammates will never understand me.
In those moments, the enemy is just waiting to creep into my mind. He is speaking these STUPID lies that are overpowering the fruit within this community.
And I believe them. The lies are tiptoeing in and making a home. They are camping out in my mind and I’m not calling them out. I’m overlooking them in hopes that tomorrow will be better. I will try better tomorrow. I will be a better teammate tomorrow. I will fix myself tomorrow.
A friend shared the following message with me.
“Our shortcomings and our weaknesses and the things that we are not good at that are actually the exact tool that God uses to show His power and His glory and His strength most clearly through you. So we rejoice in our weaknesses the New Testament says. That is weird. Why do we rejoice in our weakness? Because when I am weak, He is strong! So God takes us and He uses us to show His glory through us.”
—
I will let God use me.
I will accept who I am.
I will let community sharpen me.
I will accept that I am going to fail.
I will acknowledge the lies.
I will call out the enemy.
I will bring light to the thoughts in my mind.
I will let Jesus win this fight.
I will let Him.
