I could not see this far into the race when I was standing outside my friend’s house giving goodbye hugs two and a half months ago. I was sitting in the back seat trying to gather the pieces of my heart up after the last hugs I had given my family and friends for the next 11 months. I watched them disappear through the back window. My parents drove me down to Atlanta where they spent a few days learning a bit more about the organization I was traveling with. Only to have to walk away and leave me entirely in the safety of the Lord’s hands.
Since then, I have come through India and Nepal and am now traveling all around northern Thailand in month 3. It’s gone by slow… It’s gone by fast. It’s been an experience of slums, brothels, temples, Himalayan sunrises, villages, cities, preaching, singing, prosecution, elephants, waterfalls, hygiene clinics, refugees, prophetic acts, physical healings, spiritual warfare, broken chains, victories, piles of rice, countless packed buses, six flights, and an endless variety of living situations…. so far.
While you all are back home working your 9 to 5’s, chopping fire wood, feeding your dogs, loving on my cat for me, dancing away at shows, going to church, paying the bills and reading my blogs… I am thinking of you. I am not sure how many of you actually believed it would happen when I first told you what I was applying for. I wonder what you thought when I said I had nearly $18,000 to fundraise to leave for 11 months and hopscotch from Asia to Africa to South America doing only God knew what.
I want you to know that I know this is not a one sided coin. I had to leave you and all my comforts behind for a season, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. But you had to let me go, and I know that was hard too.
Sure, I could tell you all this in person, but why not let the world know how truly amazing you all are?
Mom, Dad, and Mema… This one’s for you…
Thank you for all the time you invested in every furry and scaled creature I brought home since I could walk. For all the horses and dirtbikes and the freedom I was given on them. For the tire swings and homemade biscuit dough. For taking me on adventures all around America and planting my love for broadway shows. For the cold winter days on skis and sleds. For the endless hours on a boat teaching me how to hook worms and cast (still my favorite thing to do). For the never ending shuttles to gymnastics, softball, basketball, track, and piano lessons. You came to nearly every single game and meet. I never noticed how amazing that alone was at the time. You never stopped loving me when I made terrible mistakes. You never stopped supporting me when I failed to obtain that college degree.
The race may not have been the most exciting news to you when I broke it (in fact, I know it wasn’t), but you were there when I stepped into the commitment of it. Uncountable truckloads of yardsale donations, Lysol wipes, hurting backs, price stickers, late nights, financial support, prayers and moments of dealing with my emotions. All to send your youngest “child” totally out of reach across the planet for Holidays and Birthdays and all the days inbetween.
I know this was stretching, but I am thinking of you and the trial this may be day-to-day back home. You will have me back before you know it! I am especially blessed to have family who does not hold me back from the Lord’s direction of my life.
Dad, you are my greatest example of humbling oneself and also in asking for forgiveness. It is no small act. That Christmas morning impacted me more than you know. My childhood memories revolve around a lot of that white truck and loads of firewood and brush. Always letting me tag along with one of our little dogs to learn how things work. Even if I slowed you down. Thank you for never leaving me behind, and don’t worry, I am staying with the group!
Mom, I have seen you go through all the joys and pains. At the end of the day you are the one still holding onto your smile and trying to make me laugh. You remind me of a kid sometimes. Picking on me like I am still 5 even after all the eye rolls you have recieved. I LOVE how joyful your heart is, and I know Jesus does too. If you think you have ever failed with me, know you have not. You are wondeful in every way.
Mema, what words can even begin to describe you? Adventurous, strong, successful, independent, supportive, wise, loving…. You are the best and most beautiful grandmother on God’s green Earth. Bubble baths at your house with my rubber ducky were the best. Riding red wagons down your hills, traveling, icecream sundays, frisbees, hours of prepping Holiday meals for us all. Life is pretty great, but you really make it special. You are like the magical fairy dust on top of it all. I do not know the half of what you have invested in me, but I know without a doubt that it has all been good. I love you so much. No Mema on the planet could ever amount to you. Thank you for your never ending support. I do not know if you know it, but from Disney World to vacations and to watching the example you set… you have taught me to dream BIG and not fear. Thank you for that.
I often think of the stories I would have come home and told Papaw. Then again, I think maybe he already knows them. I wonder if in Heaven God lets people see what loved ones are accomplishing here. I put in a special request for the Lord to tell Papaw where I was and what I was doing and that we all miss him… especially Mom. I think I could have come home with a lot of tales to make him laugh. I miss his laugh and sly smiles. He was always there loving me too. A bit more silently at times, but with alot of peanuts, cracked jokes, blackberries, fresh cornbread, and kisses that smelled like aftershave or cologne. He was silently spoiling me with treats like candies that he would slip to me while putting a finger to his lips, making it our little secret. Not to mention the one dollar bills that man dished out every single Sunday for me to place in the offering at church. All things that shape my life’s memories. All things I am abundantly thankful for. Love you, Papaw.
Tanner and friends… This one’s for you…
Relationships are hard. Friends come and go and arguments happen here and there. It feels good to finally be in a place where I know my current friends are going to be here through the rest of my life. I love being young with you all and am pumped to grow old with you too. We have had late nights, river days, murked newbs, hikes, never-ending lasers, Montes, card games, Holidays, snow walks, grilled cheeses with soup, mug after mug of coffee, fur babies, dancing, basements, ice bombs, beach trips, piglets, puppies, holiday decorating, pool halls, canoes, camping, fishing, shows, closets, tears, hugs, encouragements…. we have come so far and have so much more to go. You all have poured more love out on me than most friends care to spare. You blow me away. The selfless support I have been granted by you all in too many forms to fathom is incredible. You are all beautiful humans whom I will love always. Thank you for walking through my storms with me. Thank you for believing in me from day one and for your continued emotional support. I cannot imagine life without yins, or something.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8
So this one is for you… all of you who loved me when I stayed, believed in me when I dreamed, let me go when I left, are remaining steadfast while I am gone, and will love me when I come home… Thank you! I love you!
