There is a song by Derek Webb that blows my mind every time
I hear it, a song that really speaks to me, it’s called I Repent.
Over the past four months God has been revealing to me I’ve
got a lot to work on and He has better for me. I’ve wanted to hold on to what I expected MY life should
look like and how I could make MY life great, MY dreams. For some reason I even wanted to hold
on the bad because that’s what I knew so well, I had control over that. In reality, I could live like that but
God has shown me that it’s not the ideal way. So much of my life has been filled with what I’ve
wanted…wanting to obtain the American Dream, thinking that I deserve a husband
and family, a nice house and a good career. I repent of my pursuit of the American Dream, I repent
of living like I deserve anything…I am wrong and of these things I
repent.”
When I came to know the Lord I was given one promise, a
promise of spending eternity in Gods glory, not a promise of I deserve
anything I want.
I’ve learned thus far on the Race that life is not about me, it’s about God and
I just get to be a part of it. We
are spiritual beings having a human experience, not humans having a spiritual
experience. My life was created by our creator for His will, not mine. So
what makes me think I deserve anything and everything I want?
I repent of paying for what I get for free, the way I
believe that I’m living right…I’m wrong and of these things I repent. “For Christ died for sins once for all” and “Freely you have
received” is what the word says.
There is no good deed I can do, no big house, or no amount of money I
could give to a charity that would secure my place in God’s Kingdom. He did it all for FREE, and there is
nothing I can do to change that. My only reaction should be to hold my arms
open wide and be obedient in the moment God has me in.
I repent of confusing peace and idolatry. It’s an American norm that a nice house, great job, great
car and a fabulous wardrobe will give us ease in life. According to the dictionary, an idol is
an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship. It
saddens me that my mind was set on, in a sense, worshiping these things (money,
house, clothes, etc). I wanted to
obtain them, teaching myself that these things would equate to happiness in my
life…peace. I see people in my
everyday life right now who literally live day to day and have no idea how to
pay for the next, but the peace, love and joy they have overwhelms me. By the grace of God they live nicer
than some of us back home and live in exotic beauty. Yes, they do have stresses
just like all of us, but I can tell you with an overwhelming assurance that
they are more at peace than any person I know that lives for the things of this
world and not for the things of GOD!
I repent of caring more of what they think than what I
know of what they need and domesticating You until You look just like me…I am
wrong and of these things I repent.
So much of my Christian walk I
have worried more about what my family and friends would think of me if I dove
in head first, and of that I repent.
How selfish of me to worry more about myself than to share what God has
for all of us, for not sharing what I know so many of us need. It hurts my heart that I could trade
truth for false unity and
think that people will be more apt to love my presence if I cater to what I
think brings us close (drinking, partying, sex, money, jobs, etc) than to share
with them something that will give us a unity for eternity. This life is short in the grand scheme
and no doubt, THERE IS A BIGGER PICTURE.
I would rather share with those, who do not know Christ, about His love
more than I’d want their friendship.
Please hear me out, I love so many so much, all I want is
good for them. I cherish the
relationships I have GREATLY, MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY, but if those who do not
know the Lord could, I would do anything for them, even if that meant
abandoning my selfish needs of having them in my life.
Thank you to all my family, friends and supporters. I love you all and could never tell you
thank you enough. Your amazing and
I cherish our relationships!
