This week has been insane, and will only get busier through the weekend and next week. On top of my normal school assignments and two jobs, I am helping run sets and stage crew for the theater program I was a part of in high school. I love being back, although crew is much different than being in the cast.
However, this is adding a new level of insanity to my life. I am preparing for this trip, which requires fundraising, talking to people, and figuring out what to buy, and then purchasing it. Since we are in tech week for the show, I am gone for at least 6 hours every evening, if not more. As far as school goes, I have two exams next week to begin studying for, I have a quiz Friday, I have a 5-7 page paper due Tuesday, and a 5 page paper due tomorrow that I have not even started yet due to lack of time, as I couldn’t start it until yesterday after given information in class. On top of all of this, I am working over the weekend and watching my niece as well.
Just writing this all out is coming close to giving me a panic attack.
But the point of this post is not to say “Hey! Look at me and everything I’m doing and how totally awesome I am by holding it all together!”, because that is so far from the truth. I am not holding it all together. I have come home exhausted every night this week and have not been kind in my words sometimes. I am stressed and at this point I don’t know when I will have time to complete my other responsibilities.
Right now, the only reason I am functioning is by God’s grace.
That’s it.
“There’s a mountain here before me, and I’m gonna climb it with strength not my own. And He’s gonna meet me where the mountain beats me and carry me through, carry me through. There’s a river here before me, and I’m gonna cross it with strength not my own. He’s gonna meet save me when the river takes me, and carry me through, carry me through. There’s a city here before me. And I’m gonna get there with strength not my own. He’s gonna carry me when I get weary. Carry me through, carry me through. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, carry me through. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Oh sweet Lord, carry me through.”
Carry Me Through by Dave Barnes has become my song to listen to whenever I am struggling with all the work that needs to be done starts piling up. I right now have a mountain of responsibilities that are pulling me in so many directions.
Fundraising, blogging, purchasing equipment, friends, theater, work, nannying, classes, family, homework, sleep. Each of these demanding time devoted to them, but it seems that the time does not exist for all of this to happen with the focus it needs to.
At right in that moment of despair in wondering how in the world we can complete all of our responsibilities without falling apart, that is the moment to call of the One that can handle everything and more.
I have a mountain of work in front of me. I have a river before me with so much rushing past trying to pull me down. I have a city far ahead that can give me some peace and rest.
At some point along the way through each obstacle, we as Man will fall short. We won’t make it, but we can with strength not our own, but that which belongs to God.
One of the other reasons I love that song is because of the open humility. I know that I can’t do this. I know that I will fail. But when I do, You, Lord, will be there to pick me up, dust me off, and help me the rest of the way. I will do this with strength not my own.
Trials in life are things to look forward to. James 1:2-3 talks about how we should act in difficult times. We need to “consider it joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” God doesn’t pop up to save us right as we get to a frustrating time in life and give us a free pass through. We are given these trials and hardships for a reason: to grow us in our faith and trust in God.
I can’t do this alone. I can’t even do it with the help of my friends and family. I can’t do it no matter how many people help.
But I can with God.
Just God.
When the mountain beats me.
When the river takes me.
When I get weary.
He and He alone will carry me through.
~~~~~~~~~~ Fundraising Update ~~~~~~~~~~
I am now selling t-shirts! They are $20, and tend to run a little small. If you are interested in buying one, you can email me at [email protected] and let me know how many shirts and what size. Thanks for your support!
