In Christian culture, everyone has a story.
Seriously, I was intimidated by the thought that everyone has these hugely impactful and movie-like stories of how God has redeemed their heart and life. I used to sit on the side (church pews) clapping for all of them, thinking to myself, “Gosh, my little life has been so safe and uneventful. I guess I don’t have much to offer in inspiring people to live a life for Jesus.” If you ask some of my friends from home, I often talked about the fear I had of when my “doomsday” moments would come. When would I fall into a pit of alcohol and parties? When am I going to lose someone I love? When will I hit rock bottom and really be tested in my faith?
But, goshdarnit, my story IS powerful in unique and wonderful ways. Here’s how:
Pursuit
Thanks to my wonderful parents, I grew up with the freedom to develop my faith through my own discovery and exploration. So, when friends would invite me to their churches I would always say yes- mostly to get out of the house. I’ve been to almost every Christian denomination in our area and spent many Sundays with my Grandma Mona in her tiny Baptist church, eating Baskin-Robbins hard candies and doodling on the handouts. My church-hopping habit lasted until I was 17.
I always felt this was a weakness in Christian circles because I didn’t “grow up in church”, I didn’t know bible stories (let’s be honest, I went to play with friends), and I certainly couldn’t sing you any church camp songs.
But this April, after sharing my story in our Bulgarian church, a woman spoke life into this portion of my story. Her daughter has her first boyfriend and a few friends who are not believers and every once in a while they come to church with her daughter. The woman said knowing that God still spoke into my heart and pursued me through my off and on moments all those years doodling in the pews gave her hope that these kids can come to know The Lord, too! I had never thought about it this way. I always saw a fault that I was so all over the map, but the truth is that God is everywhere and I was experiencing Him through every moment of my life. And still am.
Strength
Somehow when I was young, I latched on to the idea that I needed to be strong, independent, and always happy- unfazed by the emotions/events of others around me. Newsflash: We cannot do these things on our own (we need God) and it’s unhealthy to block out emotions (robots are boring and not human).
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
This is one of the most quoted pieces of scripture. Was I applying it in my life? Nope. Throughout my first four years of college, I was on the over-achiever track being involved with so many campus groups, working hard on my studio projects, and enjoying my friends. Sincerely, I did all of this with a pure heart, a desire to squeeze the best out of myself, and to serve others where I could. But after my year as President of my sorority, among many commitments, I found myself in a mild depression feeling detached from friends (no way I could share that with them because I would be seen as unhappy), unnoticed for all my efforts (where are all those awards I wanted), and my motivation dispenser was empty. This was supposed to be the pinnacle point of this time in my life, but what was wrong with me?
I moved home for my victory lap (fifth year of college) after a monumental trip to Kenya and felt closer to God than I had in four years. And it clicked. I had been operating on my own reserves of strength and tapped out all of my human resources of strength. I failed to connect with God for the strength and energy He provides. But I tangibly learned (a.k.a. the hard way) how God “gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:29-30) In the three years since that time, I have felt more joy, energy, and peace every dayby centering my life on what the Lord can do through me by His power alone.
Protection
So what about my doomsday? Here’s the truth: I don’t need to have a tragedy to declare the goodness of the Lord’s work in my life. He’s been helping protect me every step of the way. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m immune from anything or that I will never experience a doomsday- I live on earth where hard things happen. But I am thankful for the path the Lord has set me on so far. I believe that as long as I keep choosing a life for Him that I will be more in tune with his love for me. And hopefully whenever I come across hard times I will rest securely in Him. I want to live fully in the truth that is expressed in Psalm 23:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
(If you are unfamiliar with this passage, click here for a good explanation.)
What’s in your story? Take a look around you and find the ways He is drawing you to Him. Whether you’ve taken a step toward Him or not, He is there in your life calling out to you to draw closer. Do it. There’s nothing better than the intimacy of knowing God’s love for you.
