First of all, before I get to the main subject of this blog, some good news: I’m fully funded! Between one-time donations and monthly donors, I have all the support I need for the next nine months. I am immensely grateful to all of you who gave so generously. You are truly a blessing to me and the ministry I will do this coming year. Thanks also to those praying for me!
I am currently in Atlanta receiving a little bit more training before we fly out on Wednesday morning. Your prayers and thoughts for a safe arrival are much appreciated. Since I’ve been here, I’ve thought a lot about why I originally decided to embark on the Race. I shared a little bit of that story in my first blog, but I thought I would explain more right now, on the eve of my departure.
So: false idols. For those of you who don’t know, a false idol is not necessarily a gold statue to which people bow down. Idols can take many forms; they are in essence anything that we worship above or instead of God. Sometimes it’s difficult to identify idols, especially in the American culture that so elevates ambition, selfishness, and greed.
I knew I had to take a gap year because I found a huge and overpowering false idol in my life, that of academics. Academia is of course not idolatrous in and of itself, but like many other idols (beauty, wealth, pleasure) it can easily become the sole focus of anyone’s life.
Though it took me years and years to see it, when I look back, the signs of idolatry seem obvious. It was the first thing on my mind when I went to sleep at night and when I woke up in the morning. I defined myself in my achievement over others. I prided myself on the astronomical numbers of hours I spent doing homework every day. When the occasional thought crossed my mind that I should spend time doing devotions at some point in the day, I pushed it away with justifications that I was too busy or too tired. I rarely spoke to God during the day because thoughts of homework, schedules, and routines filled my mind from sunrise to sunset.
Unsurprisingly, I became utterly exhausted, not just in body, but in mind. This is the effect idols have on us. They succeed in preventing us from spending life-giving time with our Creator. They cause us to belittle Him, for if we worship an idol then we assume that it is more powerful than God. Indeed, I was trusting in school to get me where I needed to go in life, rather than an all-powerful and infinitely loving God who has a much different (and better!) plan in mind for me.
So here I am, about to embark on a journey that will most likely involve very little in the way of academics. Am I nervous? Of course! For someone who has always defined myself by achievement in the classroom, finding my identity in the greater world seems hugely daunting. But that makes it all the more worthwhile and fulfilling.
I decided to come on the Race to find myself. But I know already that I’m going to find so much more. I’m going to find beauty and pain and hunger and filth and gentleness and strength. I’m going to find God on the Race. Doesn’t that sound like a journey worth taking?
If you’re reading this blog and you know that you have a false idol in your life, I urge you to destroy it. Tell someone about it, understand how it is holding you back from your true identity, and find a way to put it in its place. Nothing in this world deserves worship over God.
Like I said before, my departure is here. I ask that you keep me, my team, and my whole squad (as well as the seven other squads launching at this time) in your prayers as we fly out tomorrow morning. We are ready and excited to do God’s work in El Salvador! Thank you!
