My heart feels like it is exploding.
Was it the afternoon spent tearing 3 walls down to build new, safe walls for a care-point. Wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow. Talking and laughing with the women. Jumping up and down and hugging the kids as they screamed for me to hold them. When we got thirsty, we got water out of the well. Finding more needs and meeting them. Saying I love you to a sweet woman and meaning it and hugging her until the car drove away.
Or was it the time I spent hanging out with the numerous children. Finding out they had no parents or their mom lives in the city of Manzini but doesn’t feel the need to take care of them. Or finding out they have no house because someone burned it down and now they live with their friends and have an 8 month old baby but don’t know how to take care if him. Or that they want to go to school but can’t. Or that someone stole the food, so over 50 orphans did not eat that day. Or talking to a South African who has seen so many people die here that “it is like flies dying… It happens all the time”. Or finding out they are scared when it rains because their house may collapse. Or carrying a baby on my back all day because we were doing a Christmas party for the kids and she wouldn’t let me go.
Or hearing about the numerous Americans that promise to support them with money for food or school and then forget about them.
Or was it all the girl time. The time spent with my lovely American ladies talking about life and love. Having dance parties and being crazy. Sitting under the starry sky or just watching thunderstorms and feeling God’s love and power. Baking and cooking with the ladies. Doing crafts. Reading the Bible. Playing netball (a cross between basketball and ultimate Frisbee). Going on walks in the rain or working out. Having the most epic new year’s eve dance party in the pool. Time spent with the swazi teenagers making bracelets and encouraging each other.
Or was it everything I have been learning. I spent a lot of time alone with God, thinking about things. Learning to be led by the spirit. A lot of time with amazing people. Sanele taught me to work hard and fight for what is important. Sami taught me to get to know people and not just make things about business. Mapile taught me to be thankful.
That we are nothing if we step outside of God. Mac taught me to dream big and then sacrifice to make it happen. Do it. Brandon taught me to relax, to have wisdom, and to speak truth to people even if it is awkward. Juliette taught me to have healthy boundaries, to listen to God, to fear and please Him first. God taught me so much through many other people. He showed me He is so powerful by his thunder and lightning storms and by looking into the eyes of a Lion.
Or was it my last night in Swazi with my dear friend Clive.
We spent time singing, talking and playing soccer. Then he ran away and said I didn’t love him. I chased after him till it was past dark and he refused to go home because “no one loved him”. I finally gave up chasing him and put a mattress in our main room and waited for him. He finally came in and I told him I loved him and God loved him. He put his head in my lap with tears rolling down his cheeks. I scratched his back and prayed for him until he fell asleep. The mosquitos were eating me alive and my back was killing me, but I loved him too much to move. I just wanted him to know and feel the love I had for him because it was GOD’s LOVE. I started reading “Redeeming Love”, a wonderful book if you are ready for an all-nighter. I couldn’t put it down. Read this book if you haven’t. It is about relentless love; it is about the love God has for you. At 4 am, I was still reading when Clive woke up. I gave him some food and water and he went back to sleep. As the sun was rising, he awoke again. He said. I know you love me. I know God loves me. Thank you.
We ate breakfast, killed spiders, and listened to this song he would play on my phone over and over. “You are the love of my life” by Judy Jacobs.
You are the love of my life.
You are the hope that I cling to.
You mean more than this world to me.
I wouldn’t trade you for silver or gold.
I wouldn’t trade you for riches untold.
Cuz you are, you are my everything.
We listened to it over and over. Tears in our eyes. God’s love surrounding us.
Then, the bus came. A bunch of our swazi friends and clive walked out with me as we sang a song in siswati that clive taught me. We hugged and kissed and prayed for each other and hopped in the van. Good bye Swaziland. Thank you for teaching me how to love in a different way.
Thank you Swaziland for making my heart explode!!
