Holding my 15 pound rock in my hands I began walking along the path ahead of me. It was heavy and I could feel it’s weight, but as I began to walk further and further I began to feel the weight of the rock in a new way. I began to feel the heavy burdens I had been carrying around with me. I began to feel internally the heaviness that my arms were feeling physically. I began to get tired as I climbed the first mountain. And, as I reached the top a familiar face greeted me, asking me what the rock that I was carrying symbolized.
In my brokenness and through my tears I shared with him that I have been relying on my own strength instead of depending on God to be the rock in my life. The rock was also representative of past hurts, blame, self-condemnation, pride, lies, and fears. He asked me if I was ready to lay down the rock I was carrying and I said with angst, “I want this to be hard, I want to remember this day so that I never pick up this darn rock ever again.” So, I continued climbing the second mountain.
As I got to the top I looked up and saw a wooden cross and immediately tears ran down my cheeks washing away all of the things the rock represented. I cried like a little child, wailing to my Beloved Savior. I thought about throwing the rock off of the top of the mountain, but all I could do was lay the rock down at the foot of the cross, get on my knees and weep. I let go of all of me, everything I was and everything I knew and stood up with my hands held high, crying Freedom with my posture.
Walking down the mountain, I felt an inexplainable amount of freedom because all of the ugly roots had been removed from my heart. By releasing the dark places of me, my heart has expanded and I can feel the love of my Father filling me back up with his truth. I am the apple of his eye, I am His Beloved, I am an adopted daughter of the Lord most high, I am beautiful, I am a warrior princess, I am a prophetess to the nations and so much more.
It was a powerful experience and one that I will not forget. I am glad that I had to carry the rock for such a distance, because it made me realize the heaviness that I carry around with me everyday. I never want to pick up that rock again. I am FREE.
