The entangles cobwebs of my mind, thoughts pulling and stretching me in all directions. I am trying to figure out this thing called community – living with 6 people is not a cup of tea. I am struggling with the tensions in my mind to become the CHURCH as in Acts 2 type of community.
“They committed themselves to the teaching of the Apostles, the life together, the common mea, and the prayers. Everyone around was in awe – all those wonders and signs done through the Apostles! And all the believers lived in wonderful harmony, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person’s need was met. They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved. ” Acts 2:42-47
I guess it is just hard because I had community back home. I had this wonderful small group (Andy, Steen, Seth (by the way he is the most amazing worship leader), Jessica, Corey and Brittany). We shared communion with each other, ate dinners together, prayed and prophesied over each other, encouraged each other, laughed together and enjoyed times of worship. I guess I assumed this team would be like that from the beginning. We are not doing these things together and it is hard. For one reason or another every time we even schedule to worship together something comes up and the plan is thrown out the window. I know we need to fight for this. We need to fight to be the church.
I want that for our team here and being the one in charge of Spiritual Health of our team I keep questioning and begging God to help me start this process with our team. How do we get there? I always believed it was organic, but I think the desire has to be equally there amongst all members of the team to GO THERE. We all need to be willing to sacrifice things to go there. Do I command this to happen? Do I keep praying and wait patiently? God I need help with this role. I honestly don’t know what to do.
I will begin by sharing my brokenness in this area with our team. I will share that I am struggling with my expectations of what I thought our team would be like and what it currently is. And, please know that even as I right this I am not being arrogant, or judgmental. I am equally at fault. This is a team thing. All of us together must play our part and work together. I know deeply we all desire this type of community, but it just is currently not happening and I want anything blocking or thwarting it to be thrown into the pit of hell. We were made for a deep community and I will do whatever it takes to live out loud and BE THE CHURCH.
One thing I personally need to do to get us there is bind my inner struggle of selfishness. I know I am called to be between the porch and altar weeping on behalf of the people and our team. I am called to be an intercessor. But, that means I have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn. (yeah I said butt) I have to sacrifice my precious sleep, tip toe around the house to a place where it is quiet and meet with God. If I am going to get up this early I would really love to yell out prayers to God and sing, but that would mean waking up the rest of my team. I know I am called to be set-apart and to give up my comforts (sleep being just one of them). So it begins today.
Please pray for our team (TEAM BOLD) that the hindrances would be bound and that we would walk in ACTS 2 community and live out loud as the church.
