As I write this, I’m sitting in a coffee shop around the corner from my hotel in Georgetown, Malaysia. This country has been great so far, but in a lot of ways, this has also been one of my harder months. I’ve loved the city of Georgetown. There’s a really cool energy to it, a pretty diverse cultural experience, and all sorts of delicious food. The people are really friendly and easy to start conversations with, and there’s always something new to explore.
But for some reason, for the past week or so, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. For a while, I wasn’t really able to put a finger on it, but the days have felt long, most of my conversations with new friends seem to eventually hit a wall, and I’ve honestly spent a lot of time walking around the city, not really knowing where I’m going or what my purpose is. Sometimes, when we’re exploring the city, I feel like I’m just walking, wondering what I’m walking toward.
I was a little bit surprised over the first couple of months that I wasn’t missing the U.S. too much. Sure…I’ve missed my friends and family a ton, but the different cultures, foods, currencies, and interactions have all felt new and exciting for way longer than I expected. I think I always knew the time would eventually come when I realize this is my life for the next year. I think it’s kind of starting to hit me, and I’m starting to miss the familiar.
Because of the way the trip is structured, I know there are built in shocks to the system along the way. We’ll get used to Southeast Asia, and then all of a sudden, we’ll be heading to South Africa, once again energized by a new journey. “New and Exciting” will come in waves.
This year will continue to be an adventure in so many ways, but the longer I’m on this journey, the more I’m being reminded that I’m a stranger in a strange land. I’m learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable, and honestly, I think it’s been really good for me in so many ways, but lately I’ve been missing my Palace Coffee, Chick Fill A, chile rellenos, game nights with the boys, Tuesday morning breakfasts, movie club, non-stop fantasy football conversations, and indoor soccer games. It took longer than I expected, but I think I’m finally a little homesick…
I think I was finally able to identify why this is significant in the middle of writing this blog… I’ve been playing a song on repeat for most of the month, called “The Great Homesickness”, by Gungor and learning to play it on the ukulele. It’s short and sweet, but I think the words chosen to describe God are pretty profound:
“The great homesickness we could never shake off
The forest that always surrounded us.”
I’ve loved this song for a couple of years because it so accurately describes my feelings toward God. A couple of my mentors always talk about how God is both “mystery” and “revealed.” He’s constantly making himself known to us, but we are currently in a part of God’s story where not everything is fully revealed. We know God, and yet he still remains a mystery to us in so many ways. He’s close enough for us to call him father or friend, and there’s also an otherness about him that requires us to use terms like “trinity” and then try to explain what that means. He’s too big to be put in a box, too great to understand, and he’s also Emmanuel, God with us.
I can sit in God’s loving presence, and also simultaneously long for a day when the full mystery is revealed. There’s a joy that can’t be shaken being in a relationship with a God who’s presence is thick around us, but there’s also a longing that can’t be shaken…a great homesickness. There’s a constant yearning for things that have become distorted to become clear, and for wrongs to be made right. There’s a desire for home that we’ll never quite see fully realized until God finishes making all things new.
So we find ourselves looking for little glimpses of heaven where we are, knowing that it’s close by, if we could only pull the veil back and touch it. Something deep inside of us knows that our home is with God. Sometimes we’re aware of it, and sometimes we get confused and think we’re longing for things that ultimately never end up satisfying.
Homesickness is hard, but there’s a good side to it to. It means that you belong somewhere. It’s a symptom pointing toward a beautiful reality:
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption as sons and daughters. And by him we cry “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 8:14-17
My prayer is that, over the next several months, I’ll continue to be haunted by The Great Homesickness, and that even as I long for God, I’ll know how close he is. I love that “home” shows up in so many intimate ways when walking with and searching for God, and I love that we serve a God who is big enough that there’s always another layer to explore. May you find God in all of the ordinary moments of your day, and may you always remember that home is closer than you think.
