For as long as I can remember, I’ve always spent a lot of time in my own head, sometimes to a fault. I can remember, as a child, sitting in front of the TV and watching my shows. My mom would ask me to do something, or someone in my family might say my name, trying to get my attention, and it wouldn’t register at all. Eventually, someone would have to move closer to me and speak louder to get my attention. I was in another world.
I notice it in myself as an adult too. I can be sitting, having a conversation with someone, and my brain will go on a tangent before I realize it, interested in a topic that my conversation partner didn’t have any intention of sparking in me. Before I know it, we’re a few minutes into conversation, and I have no idea what we’ve been talking about. Sometimes it takes great effort to stay in the present with people, and I end up missing out on what a moment has for me.
For the past several weeks, I’ve been noticing how much of an effect this has on my interactions with God. My mind can become occupied with a book I’ve been reading, a song that I’ve recently heard, a scripture I’ve been reflecting on, a sin that I’m struggling with, or any spiritual idea that I’m trying to move from my head to my heart, and it doesn’t seem to take. It’s nearly impossible for me to think my way into a new way of life, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. Sometimes I have a hard time just being in a moment with God.
So far, the world race has been full of opportunities…Opportunities to serve others, opportunities to have conversations with non-believers, and opportunities to connect with local Christians. But what I’ve been most thankful for, early on in the race, are the opportunities to sit with the spirit and observe the world, and my relationship with God, with fresh eyes.
I’ve heard it said that what you believe about God impacts everything. If you believe that God is an angry taskmaster, you’ll live your life in fear of making mistakes or not working hard enough. If you believe God is far off in heaven, looking down on you, but not interacting with you, you’ll believe that God isn’t active today, or that Christianity is a philosophy to be believed, instead of believing that Christ is a person to be followed. If you believe God is disappointed with you, you might live your life in shame, trying to right the wrongs that you’ve committed. But what if you believe that God is as close to you as the breaths that you breathe? What if you believe that God is actually good? It changes everything.
In John 1, Jesus interacts with a man who has leprosy. The man comes to Jesus with a simple statement: “If you are willing, you can make me clean.” It’s easy for me to imagine myself as this man, coming to Jesus timidly, not sure what to expect, with a specific desire in my heart, but wondering what kind of man he is. Some translations describe Jesus as being indignant with the man, but others describe Jesus as being filled with compassion. What you think about Jesus shapes everything…Based on his response, and how Jesus generally interacts with the sick, I have to believe it was the latter. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean.”
I don’t know exactly where it came from, but I’ve always had a hard time trusting God’s love for me. I tend to believe it intellectually (because I tend to live in my own head, obsessing over ideas), but I usually have a hard time experiencing it for myself. It’s been one of the prayers that I’ve prayed regularly for the past several years… “God, show me your love for me in a way that makes sense to me.” Because I know that what I believe about God impacts everything I do. When I’m unable to know God’s love in real ways, it makes it difficult for me to share that love with others.
These early months in the World Race have been full of opportunities to pray that prayer as I walk through the streets of foreign cities, interact with strangers, worship with my squad, and sit in silence in the mornings. And as I’ve practiced sitting with God, being fully present, leaning into him in times of spiritual dryness, leaving the ideas that I obsess over at the door, and just simply listening to his voice, God has been so willing to sit and speak with me. And I can honestly say that believing Jesus when he says that he is willing impacts everything you do. And I know that the son is the image of the invisible God (colossians 1:15), so if Jesus is willing, God is willing. He’s willing to meet me where I am, to reveal himself a little more to me every day, to give my spirit exactly what it needs, and invite me out into his world with new eyes and a softer heart.
I believe that Jesus was so attractive to people because he knew who he was, and he knew who God was. When you have a clear picture of how good the Father is, your life will reflect that goodness to other people. You won’t be able to help it. Every part of your life will become an opportunity to reflect the love of Christ. Your life will be ministry, because the Father’s love will be alive and active in you, and people will see it, and be drawn to it. But it starts with knowing who God is. It starts with being fully present with the father, and learning to listen intently to his voice, so that he can tell you who you are. It starts with trusting his motives for your life and for the world. He is more than an idea. He is living, active and good.
So over the course of this year, this is the headspace I’m going to try and live in all day long… trusting the love of the Father, knowing that he’s near to me and that he wants to interact with me. Believing that he’s already at work and that he knows what he’s doing.
In my next blog, I’ll share a little bit about what he’s doing here in Nong Khai, Thailand. You can subscribe with your email above if you’d like to receive alerts! Thanks for reading! God is moving. He is active. He is alive, and he is good.
