Just over 11 months ago I left on an adventure that took me to over a dozen countries, 3 continents, and a journey around the world that few people get to experience. During this time I slept in countless different locations and referred to many different places as “home.” From a house, to a church building, to a tent, to a barn, I’ve been bouncing from one place to the next for almost a year. Now I’m back; back in the land of wireless internet and hot showers. But I’m not Home yet.
The whole time I was gone I knew in the back of my mind that the current place which I called home wasn’t my real home, it was temporary. But I realized that the quicker I made the ministry my own, the easier it was for me to refer to my living quarters as “home” that month. Now that my Race is over I am right back where I came from . . . Just in geographic sense, not as a person. Make no mistake, I absolutely changed this year . . . but now I’m back “home,” right? Wrong.
I feel as temporary here as I ever did on the Race. That feeling of living on edge, knowing that no matter how great this life is, it is going to change soon. That feeling didn’t go away once I stepped on American soil. In fact the biggest “culture shock” I’ve gone through is realizing how much coming back doesn’t feel any different at all. I thought for sure I would notice how different it all is, but I haven’t. This is the same world no matter which side you are on. And that’s my point.
This world is not my Home.
I have friends and family back here in the States and it’s wonderful, but ultimately I’m still not Home because this isn’t where my heart is. I hope to never feel at home in this life . . . It’s a beautiful thing to have that anticipation inside of you; that idea that you can push on just a little further because soon enough you will actually go home. I want to live that life. A life of constant anticipation of what God is going to do. Because at any time I could go Home and until then I want to push on just a little more and do those things I can’t do once I get there.
Because guess what? When I get Home, I won’t be able to comfort the broken. There are no tears of pain in heaven. When I get Home, I won’t be able to heal the sick. There is no sickness in heaven. When I go Home, I won’t be able to raise the dead. There is no death in heaven. When I go Home, I won’t have the opportunity to bring Kingdom to earth because it will have already come.
So today, in this moment, I’m not Home yet. But I will be soon, and until then I will fight the good fight, I will run the race, I will keep the faith. Because when I get home there is a crown of righteousness waiting for me and an eternal dance party with Jesus. I don’t want to waste my life on this journey home.
Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
Heading Home,
Tanner Hubbard
